I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.

Howard

I now pronounce you husband and wife... and weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Bernadette

Sheldon: Why do people cry at weddings?
Mary: They're practicing for what's coming later.

Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable is finished by 9:30. Go to sleep!

I hope you're right. Because a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Sheldon

So did you defile my mother, or not?

Sheldon

Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about! However accurately...

Sheldon

I'm telling ya, I'm not on drugs. The government is out to get me!

Howard

Alfred: I have prayed to God many times... to turn my wife into a pillar of salt.
Mary: Well he came close. He turned her into a block of ice.

You can't ignore it. It's not that postcard that says it's time to go back to the dentist.

Raj

Mother, she's an atheist, not a vampire.

Sheldon

Penny: And when I dropped her off at the hotel, she even gave me a hug.
Leonard: Did she think you were choking, or...?

TBBT Quotes

James Earl Jones: Why don't you and your friends come to Comic-Con with me?
Sheldon: Really?
James Earl Jones: Of course. And San Diego is right across the border from my favorite city on Earth, Tijuana.... where I'm taking you every night!
Sheldon: Ay-yi-yi.
James Earl Jones: Ay-yi-yi. Bang. Bang.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.