The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite The Simpsons Quotes
Lisa: Ew! Dad, this is blood!
Homer: Correction--free blood.
Kent Brockman: Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled.
Chief Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield museum destroyed.
Bart: We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad.
Homer: (Looking at the painting) Aah! They're dogs...and they're playing poker! Aah!
Bart: We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!
Homer: (writing on his hand) Mindy, because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on.
Lenny: (writing on his hand) Max, what I did was because of alcohol and anger...
Guy with huge hand: (writing on his hand) I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incidence occurred in 1956 when...
Mindy: Hi Homer!
Homer: Mindy! Uh...Ahem...
Homer's Brain: Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert...
Homer: Mu...Murphy... You, you are an elf... uncontrollably... I think!
(Homer climbs into a cramped elevator with Mindy, but does not notice her.)
Homer: I've made it the whole day without seeing her again! (Notices Mindy) Aah! I mean--Haalow!
Mindy: Eh...I guess we'll be going down together--I mean getting off t--I mean...
Homer: That's okay. I'll just push the button for the stimulator--I mean elevator!
Homer: So uh...what do you guys think of Mindy?
Carl: We love cake. Anybody see the game last night?
Homer: Yeeeah. That Mindy seems real nice.
Lenny: Homer, what's with you? You're talking during a coffee break!
Carl: Yeah, usually you just take the box of donuts into the bathroom!
Homer: Mindy has a motorcycle!
Sherri & Terri: Nice glasses four eyes!
Nelson: Yeah, nice shoes...uh... two feet...uh.
Doctor: Hmm...throat looks a little red...I better spray it.
Bart: (Coughs then in a nerdy voice.) Ooh, thanks nice lady, my voice is crazy with this brain already. Ooh, I feel so much better Mr. Medical science-type person.
Bart: Each parking space is a mere one foot narrower, indistinguishable to the naked eye. Therein lies the game.
Millhouse: I fear to watch...yet I cannot turn away!
Principal Skinner: Blasted woman, you parked too close, move your car!
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm in the lines. You got a problem, go tell your mama.
Principal Skinner: Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this!
Mindy: I've got a really wicked idea that could get us into a lot of trouble.
Homer: Mindy, we have to fight our temptations.
Mindy: No Homer, let's do it ... Let's call Room Service!
What the hell was that? I knew I shouldn't have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found in the parking lot.
</i> Homer
(Homer and Mindy represent the nuclear power plant at the National Energy Convention.)
Man: Thanks for poisoning the planet, bastards!
Mindy: Get bent!
Man #2: No more Chernobyls!
Homer: Go to Hell! (Throws a brick at him)
