The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Quotes
I don't need your sycophantic laughter. I have some on tape.
Gore Vidal
Homer: I love these covered bridges. It's like driving through cute little houses.
Guy on Hood: That was my house, you moron!
Jameson: That's sweet, I hate sweet. I need photos, photos of Spider-man.
Employee: This is a poetry journal.
Jameson: Okay then I want poems about Spider-Man, and I want them finished before you start, and before you start I want a coffee. And the poems should have the fallowing rhyme scheme, a, b, b, a, a, b, b, a, c, e, d, e, d, d. What are you waiting for, Chinese New Year?
Stop the presses and send my wife some flowers and bring me an anvil! What do you mean you don't work for me, you're hired! Now that you're hired you're fired! Now that you don't work here we can be friends. Now that we're friends how come you never call, some friend you are! I love this business!
Jameson
Marge: Homer our son joined the army!
Homer: Yeah big deal. By the time Bart is eighteen we're gonna control the world We're China right?
Milhouse: Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? There's a mannequin there I have a crush on.
Bart: Milhouse, that is the most pathetic thing I've ever . . . (sees mannequin) Oh my God, she's beautiful!
Principal Skinner: I'd do anything for my beloved Army.
Recruiter: How about re-enlisting?
Principal Skinner: How about you bite me?
The Army, it's everything you like.
Narration on Recruiter's Film
Sergeant: Gentleman, I'm going to be frank; never before has the ARMY accepted recruits with such low test scores.
Homer: That's an odd way to start handing out medals!
(Homer peers out of a manhole cover at oncoming tanks)
Homer: Bring it on chumps!
(Tank runs over the manhole he's peeping out of)
Homer: Oooh! Fingers, fingers fingers!
Hey baby. Ya' like obstacle courses?
Homer
Private: Sir, you can't just invade an American city without authorization.
Colonel: Yes, I can. Congress slipped it into the National Broccoli Day proclamation.
