Lisa: Sometimes i wish strangling your kid was still legal.
Marge: Not since they passed Homer's Law.

I just like to dress up to eat carrots and smoke.

Homer

Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

You can always go back to Michigan. They're still under Sharia law.

Lisa

Who cares what we look like in whatever stupid year this is.

Bart

I'm Santa!? Oh, now I'll never die.

Grampa

They were kids, and we gave them candy if they laughed! And if they didn't, until the 70s, I hit them with a stick! Some jerk tracked down the kids and made a documentary. It's called "Circus of Shame" or something.

Krusty

Annie: I was so mad at him, I didn't have sex with a clown for five months!
Homer: What about mimes?
Annie: Come on, I'm not made of stone.

They took my dressing room, my parking space, even my writer, so I don't have a funny third item.

Krusty

No more TV! We're going to get some fresh air and visit a museum. Of television!

Marge

People also lover a quitter. Sarah Palin. The Beatles.

Bart

If you ever hear a star's name and wonder, is he dead? The answer is either "I represent him" or "yes."

Annie Dubinksy

The Simpsons Season 23 Quotes

Homer: Do you really need all these Kurt Vonnegut novels?
Lisa: "They self-reference each other!"

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.

Homer