Sorry, I'm not much of a dog person.


I brought dessert! I found it in the most charming little French bakery's dumpster.

You can't control relationships. You have to let things happen naturally.

As your lawyer, maybe I could send a cease and desist letter to FazzioMcBoners99.


Wilfred, you're my best friend. If you want your own dog house, we'll get you one. I just can't spend $9,000.


Warner's gonna join us whenever he feels like it. That's one of the things about being rich; you get to treat everybody else like shit. I can't wait.


There's darkness everywhere Ryan. You just can't see because the sun is such an attention whore.

Wipe that smirk off your face and listen to this Kant.

Jesus, put down the bong and pick up a book.

So when Jenna leaves the house and I can't see her anymore, she doesn't cease to exist, she's just somewhere else? No, no, no, no. That's just crazy.

Ryan: Read a book or something.
Wilfred: A book? Yeah right. Maybe if it had pictures...that moved...and sound...and Matt Damon in it...and in the middle of the movie Matt Damon'd be like (makes gun noises) there's a book I'd like to read.

I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating.

Wilfred Season 2 Quotes

Wilfred: Do you know why dogs dig?
Ryan: Because they're searching for bones?
Wilfred: Because we're searching for truth.

It said "wake up," which is weird because I read somewhere that people can't read while they're dreaming.