Quotables for Week Ending February 25, 2016

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A lot of shows are going off the air this week! 

It was season finale time for Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce, Code Black and The X-Files and The Flash and Arrow went on hiatus.

Did that mean the good lines were coming fast and furiously? 

Scroll through the slideshow to find out.

1. The Big Bang Theory

A birthday surprise the big bang theory

Bernadette: What kind of cake do you like?
Sheldon: My favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers. And if there's writing on it, make sure it's not all caps. I don't want my dessert yelling at me.

Bernadette: What kind of cake do you like? Sheldon: My favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers. And if there's...

2. Scorpion

Drugs via drones scorpion

Happy: You let the cat out of the bag.
Toby: Cats shouldn't be in a bag in the first place. Bags are a terrible place for cats.

Happy: You let the cat out of the bag. Toby: Cats shouldn't be in a bag in the first place. Bags are a terrible place for cats.

3. Criminal Minds

Agent natalie colfax criminal minds

Morgan: She wants to meet for dinner tonight because we need to talk. I've gotten this text enough times in the past to know it ain't good.
Rossi: Hey look. All I know is Savannah is a wonderful woman and you two love each other. It'll be fine.
Morgan: Yeah?
Rossi: No. You're probably completely screwed, but good luck anyway.

Morgan: She wants to meet for dinner tonight because we need to talk. I've gotten this text enough times in the past to know it ain't...

4. The Vampire Diaries

Ian somerhalder as damon salvatore

Enzo? Remember Thanksgiving in 1953? We were locked up and I told you I was thankful for you through that little hole in the wall. I take that back.

Damon
Enzo? Remember Thanksgiving in 1953? We were locked up and I told you I was thankful for you through that little hole in the wall. I take...

5. Shameless

I like you shameless

You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.

Queenie
You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.

6. Family Guy

Cleveland brown picture

Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.

Cleveland
Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.

7. The Good Wife

Cary agos picture

Cary: What are you doing for lunch today?
Lucca: Eating.

  • Permalink: Eating.
  • Added:
Cary: What are you doing for lunch today? Lucca: Eating.

8. Better Call Saul

An eccentric client better call saul

Jimmy: What are you doing here?
Chuck: My name is on the building.

Jimmy: What are you doing here? Chuck: My name is on the building.

9. Shadowhunters

Contemplation shadowhunters

Simon's mom: Honey, you look like you're dying.
Simon: I'm dying to get out of this conversation.

Simon's mom: Honey, you look like you're dying. Simon: I'm dying to get out of this conversation.

10. Madam Secretary

Henrys in the hospital madam secretary

Russell: Do you need a minute?
Elizabeth: No I don't.

Russell: Do you need a minute? Elizabeth: No I don't.

11. Downton Abbey

Things come to a head downton abbey

Mary: Do you still think dismissing Barrow was a useful saving, Papa?
Robert: That's rather below the belt, even for you.

Mary: Do you still think dismissing Barrow was a useful saving, Papa? Robert: That's rather below the belt, even for you.

12. Lucifer

Shooting at a fashion show lucifer

You're the oldest young person I've ever met, and coming from an immortal, that's saying something.

Lucifer
You're the oldest young person I've ever met, and coming from an immortal, that's saying something.

13. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Working a case crazy ex girlfriend

Josh: I haven't had hot water in, like, weeks. I'm showering with freezing cold water.
Rebecca: No hot water? That's terrible! You should complain!
Josh: Yeah, I don't like to complain about stuff.

Josh: I haven't had hot water in, like, weeks. I'm showering with freezing cold water. Rebecca: No hot water? That's terrible! You should...

14. The 100

Clarke and lexa meet with titus the 100 season 3 episode 6

Blowing a space station out of the sky to get others to join isn't exactly an inspirational Unity Day story.

Jaha
Blowing a space station out of the sky to get others to join isn't exactly an inspirational Unity Day story.

15. Supergirl

Sisterly bonding supergirl

Maxwell: So nothing for my largesse then?
Kara: I was told you asked for and received Netflix.
Maxwell: You thought I was dangerous before, you have no idea how dangerous I get when I'm bored.
Kara: I recommend Call the Midwife.

Maxwell: So nothing for my largesse then? Kara: I was told you asked for and received Netflix. Maxwell: You thought I was dangerous...

16. The Originals

Time to train the originals

Elijah: Niklaus, for Heaven’s sakes release the poor creature. [Klaus drops Chief of Police off a balcony.] That’s not what I meant.
Klaus: He’ll live.

Elijah: Niklaus, for Heaven’s sakes release the poor creature. [Klaus drops Chief of Police off a balcony.] That’s not what I meant....

17. Supernatural

Wrestling match supernatural

With all due respect, Simmons, I don't think you can handle my rod.

Crowley
With all due respect, Simmons, I don't think you can handle my rod.

18. Grimm

Captain renard photo

You don't wrestle a pig. You take him to slaughter, and make bacon.

Renard
You don't wrestle a pig. You take him to slaughter, and make bacon.

19. Girls

Shoshanna shapiro

Shoshanna: Oh, wow. You look so whimsical-slash-beautiful.
Jessa: Thank you. I just bathed in the stream and then I ran through the field to dry myself.

Shoshanna: Oh, wow. You look so whimsical-slash-beautiful. Jessa: Thank you. I just bathed in the stream and then I ran through the field...

20. Vinyl

Better days vinyl

Jamie: So don't I get points for initiative?
Richie: Horatio Alger.
Jamie: So you want me to suck your dick?

Jamie: So don't I get points for initiative? Richie: Horatio Alger. Jamie: So you want me to suck your dick?

21. Major Crimes

A startling discovery major crimes

Provenza: I want to go big. This could be my last wedding.
Buzz: How many times have you said that?

Provenza: I want to go big. This could be my last wedding. Buzz: How many times have you said that?

22. Jane the Virgin

The next level jane the virgin

Jane: Waiting just doesn't seem to make sense anymore. I mean, I'm a virgin mom. That's just weird.
Narrator: Totally weird.

Jane: Waiting just doesn't seem to make sense anymore. I mean, I'm a virgin mom. That's just weird. Narrator: Totally weird.

23. The Flash

King shark is coming the flash

Joe: I don't suppose my homeowners insurance covers a Sharknado attack.
Wally: I don't understand you people. Jaws busts through your house like the Kool-Aid man, The Flash shows up and y'all just act like it's no big deal.
Iris: We've had a lot of weird things happen in Central City over the past two years.
Wally: Weirder than a talking shark wearing pants.

Joe: I don't suppose my homeowners insurance covers a Sharknado attack. Wally: I don't understand you people. Jaws busts through your...

24. Teen Wolf

A familiar face teen wolf s5e18

Who told you that? The internet? If that's your most reliable source of information then you might as well go.

Gerard
Who told you that? The internet? If that's your most reliable source of information then you might as well go.

25. Rizzoli & Isles

A grisly murder rizzoli and isles

Maura: What if you could have a whole townhouse to yourself? No neighbors?
Jane: Then I'd be rich. I wouldn't be a detective.

Maura: What if you could have a whole townhouse to yourself? No neighbors? Jane: Then I'd be rich. I wouldn't be a detective.

26. Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce

Dance your cares away girlfriends guide to divorce

Abby: And I forgot to tell you the worst part.
Jake: What?
Abby: I had my first hot flash. Today.
Jake: Oh honey. Why does God hate you?

Abby: And I forgot to tell you the worst part. Jake: What? Abby: I had my first hot flash. Today. Jake: Oh honey. Why does God hate you?

27. Chicago Med

The lawsuit chicago med

Will: Ms. Goodwin? I'm sorry I've been so much trouble.
Sharon: Yes, Dr. Halstead, you have been a monumental pain in the ass.

Will: Ms. Goodwin? I'm sorry I've been so much trouble. Sharon: Yes, Dr. Halstead, you have been a monumental pain in the ass.

28. You, Me and the Apocalypse

A potential messiah you me and the apocalypse

God doesn't speak to people outside of Charlton Heston films.

Jamie
God doesn't speak to people outside of Charlton Heston films.

29. The X-Files

Finding a cure the x files

I didn't set out to destroy the world, Mulder. People did.

CSG
I didn't set out to destroy the world, Mulder. People did.

30. New Girl

Schmidt shirtless

Nick: Of course we make decisions. How do you think I'm wearing clothes right now?
Schmidt: I lay those out for you Nick.

Nick: Of course we make decisions. How do you think I'm wearing clothes right now? Schmidt: I lay those out for you Nick.

31. NCIS

Tony dinozzo

Taft: Mind if I tag along? I can explain the medical side of this little mystery better than either of you.
Gibbs: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Taft: No. Maybe. Kind of.

Taft: Mind if I tag along? I can explain the medical side of this little mystery better than either of you. Gibbs: You're enjoying this,...

32. NCIS: New Orleans

Sonjas friend ncis new orleans

Apparently, he doesn't abide by 'Click It or Ticket.'

LaSalle [on a suspect just killed in a car accident]
Apparently, he doesn't abide by 'Click It or Ticket.'

33. Chicago Fire

Burning car chicago fire

Brett [about patient records]: Can I look?
Maggie: Well, I don't mind, but HIPPA won't like it.

Brett [about patient records]: Can I look? Maggie: Well, I don't mind, but HIPPA won't like it.

34. Pretty Little Liars

Spencer hastings photograph

Spencer: Good morning.
Veronica: It was until I opened my eyes.

Spencer: Good morning. Veronica: It was until I opened my eyes.

35. Shades of Blue

No more lines shades of blue s1e8

Tess: Karma's a bitch.
Harlee: Well, someone here is.

Tess: Karma's a bitch. Harlee: Well, someone here is.

36. Arrow

Vixen arrow

Mari: The best thing my parents every gave me was that freedom. Well, that and this totem. That makes me a total badass.
Oliver: You don't need a totem for that.

Mari: The best thing my parents every gave me was that freedom. Well, that and this totem. That makes me a total badass. Oliver: You...

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Tag:
TV Quotes
Shows:
The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Grimm, Shameless, Vinyl, Girls, Family Guy, The Good Wife, Madam Secretary, Downton Abbey, Lucifer, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The X-Files, Supergirl, Scorpion, Major Crimes, Better Call Saul, Jane the Virgin, The Flash, Teen Wolf, Rizzoli & Isles, Shadowhunters, Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce, New Girl, NCIS, Chicago Med, NCIS: New Orleans, Chicago Fire, Pretty Little Liars, Shades of Blue, Arrow, Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, Code Black, You, Me and the Apocalypse, The Big Bang Theory, The Blacklist, Supernatural, Grey's Anatomy, How to Get Away with Murder, Colony, The 100, Elementary
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TV Quotes Quotes

Buy the dip. Short the VIX. Fuck Bitcoin.

Gus

When I was a summer analyst at Solomon, my boss looked like Newman from Seinfeld. Like Newman, if he was a linebacker. He once said to me, "I used to think if there was such a thing as reincarnation, I wanted to come back as the president, or the pope, or a 400 baseball hitter. But now, I want to come back as the Bond Market because it intimidates everybody." People like us, born at the bottom. Where would you put our percentage chance of ever making that top quintile? It's about 3%. That's intimidating; we intimidate people here. Why is that? Because hunger is not a birthright. Your qualifications don't have to be a problem for you because they don't have to be a problem for me. Understand what I'm saying?

Eric