Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Luke: You know more people have died hiking than in the entire Civil War?
Alex: What book did you read that in?
Luke: Book? Look it up on the internet, Grandma.

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.

Manny

Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

Relax, more than half the eleventh grade has been in that sweater.

Claire: You're in a house of horrors being held against your will.
Alex: Yeah, I know, so why do I need the cage.

You're never alone when you have books.

Claire: You're grounded for four weeks!
Haley: Why don't you just double it and make it 10?
Alex: Do you not see how much you need to study?!?

I'm just letting you guys know, I'm not taking care of him when you guys die.

Phil: It's like a movie theater, library and a music store all rolled in to one... awesome pad.
Alex [to Haley]: A library is a place where people get books
Haley [to Alex]: A movie theater is a place where people go on dates.

Alex: Luke has ADHD.
Luke: No I don't... what is it?
Alex: I'd tell you, but you'd wander off before I get to the (Luke wanders off) H.

Alex: Haley, found your jacket.
Haley: WHY IS EVERYONE ON ME?

Luke [about reptile on his head]: This feels so weird, what does it eat?
Jungle Tanya: Oh just little boy brains
Alex: Well, at least Luke has nothing to worry about

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 79 in total

Modern Family Quotes

What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?

Gloria

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke