I let down my mom and dad today. And even worse, I let down my teacher.

Haley: You're a freshman, what are you doing in second year math?
Alex: You're a senior, what are you still doing in second year math?
Haley: Not still, again!

Is it one more year or when you leave for college, because those happen to be two different things.

Alex: Could you L a little less O L? Can't you see what I'm trying to do here?
Haley: Die alone?

It was supposed to be special; someone with a high GPA and bright future, not a Mario brother!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Don't stop believing. Get this party started."

Haley: If you do this you'll be a social piranha.
Alex: Yes, I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish.

Alex: Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike to stand up for what he believed in.
Haley: That's because no one would eat with him in the cafeteria.

Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.

Luke: You know more people have died hiking than in the entire Civil War?
Alex: What book did you read that in?
Luke: Book? Look it up on the internet, Grandma.

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.


Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

Phil Dunphy