Andy Bernard Quotes
Dwight: Do you know how to use that?
Andy: To change tires? No. But it's metal. I can hit somebody with it.
- Permalink: Do you know how to use that? To change tires? No. But it's met...
Pam: Andy, did I dream you were crying through the night?
Andy: No, that was real.
- Permalink: Andy, did I dream you were crying through the night? No, that ...
Every little bump on the road is major pain on my scrotum.
- Permalink: Every little bump on the road is major pain on my scrotum.
This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before actually. Just a weird coincidence. A little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all! Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder.
- Permalink: This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come u...
Andy: Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?
Oscar: I did.
Andy: Do you think it's true?
Oscar: Are you attracted to other men?
Andy: No. But let me give you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana. Brad Pitt comes up and tries to kiss me. I would definitely resist at first, but if he was persistent, I would probably give in a little bit, depending on how persistent he was ...
Oscar: If Brad Pitt tried to kiss you and you resisted, he would still have to get to you?
Andy: It's just a scenario.
- Permalink: Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay? I did. Do you...
Kevin: Hahaha. Tea.
Andy: I like tea.
Kevin: You WOULD.
Andy: I like it a lot!
Kevin: I bet you do.
Andy: I REALLY like it!
Kevin: Do you like it as much as you like men's butts?!
Kevin: 'Cause you're GAY!
- Permalink: Hahaha. Tea. I like tea. You WOULD. I like it a lot! I b...
Jim: You gotta figure this out.
Jim: Have sex with a woman.
Andy: Oh, yeah!
Jim: Then a man. Then compare.
- Permalink: You gotta figure this out. How? Have sex with a woman. Oh...
Andy: [on gay rumors] For the record I prefer women, but off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Andy: The evidences are stacked against me.
- Permalink: For the record I prefer women, but off the record, I'm kinda con...
David: Dwight, come on now, it's time to put in the subs.
Charles: Yeah, it looks like Pam won't make it back. Okay?
Dwight: Okay. Fine.
Charles: All right! Come on.
Dwight: Except, you know what? It's not fine. How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?
Dwight: No, no, hear me out. Five? Six?
Dwight: Seven? Can I finish please?
- Permalink: Dwight, come on now, it's time to put in the subs. Yeah, it lo...
Kevin: [playing volleyball] I got it. [Kevin misses]
Dwight: Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on!
Andy: Are you blind?!
Dwight: I could've gotten that, idiot!
Andy: Can you see things with your eyeballs?!
Dwight: It's not a sledgehammer! Come on, people! We need to get our heads in the game! Let's focus! Come on, you're better than this! I am better than this! Phyllis, why are you sitting on the ground?!
Phyllis: We've been out here for a while. I don't need this.
- Permalink: I got it. Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on! Are you blind?! I coul...
Andy: [playing volleyball, yelling at Erin] Are you blind?! Are you blind?! [turns attention to a man on the other team] Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? ... I'm concerned you might be in danger.
Man: These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.
Andy: Okay, I was just looking out for you.
- Permalink: Are you blind?! Are you blind?! Sir, with the glasses, are you ...
Dwight: Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right?
Jim: Well, I could've died, so... I looked it up online afterwards.
Dwight: Erin, back row. Ryan, you move up a row!
Andy: Bro-migo, you think you could put Erin on my row?
Dwight: Why? I don't understand.
Dwight: Woah, woah, woah. W-w-wait a minute. I get it. You want her to set you up so you can spike it.
Andy: Uh... [laughs sheepishly]
Dwight: I'll tell you what, I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She is the best setter on the team.
Dwight: Sly dog.
Andy: ... not what I meant.
Dwight: Come on, folks!
- Permalink: Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. W...