Andy Bernard Quotes
Andy: Yeah. No. Well, ok.
Kelly: Stop squirming.
Andy: Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing.
Kelly: You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
Andy: I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional.
Kelly: I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up.
Andy: Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear?
Kelly: Gay ear? Are you 12 years old?
Andy: This dance competition is not over.
Kelly: What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all.
I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a dance off. Alright!
Andy: Yeah! I love the vibe down here.
Erin: Ashley! You made it!
Oscar: You invited someone?
Erin: Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that?
Oscar: I've been here 8 years and I've never... [Erin walks away] Rude.
Andy: [Michael is holding the stereo speaker up to a vent - blaring "[Gonna Make You Sweat] Everybody Dance Now", spins in chair] Oww!
Phyllis: Aw, what the hell? [goes to Vance Refrigeration] Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in?
Jessica: Oh, he's on a call.
Phyllis: Oh, I'll just duck my head in.
Jessica: It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off?
Phyllis: Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there.
Jessica: I'll let him know.
Phyllis: Mmm-hmm.
Andy: You don't understand clothing, Toby. You're dressed like this amorphous blob of khaki.
Toby: All right, look, what you gotta understand is that when you come to work, you give up certain rights.
Dwight: Listen up, Flenderson. You're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, okay? Here are the new rules. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.
Toby: All right, come. Sit down, Dwight.
Dwight: No.
Toby: I'm running this meeting.
Dwight: That's debatable.
Toby: It's not. It's not. Sit down or I am writing you up.
Meredith: Ooh, where has this guy been?
Toby: Casual Fridays are cancelled. [everyone protests] Let's just not do it anymore.
Andy: You're running from the problem.
Toby: There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole--except mine, quite honestly.
Andy: Andrew Bernard.
Dwight: Okay, what are you still doing at your desk?
Andy: What are you still doing not at your desk?
Dwight: Did you even read the memo?
Andy: All my files are now in reverse alphabetical order--
Dwight: No, you idiot. There is a code embedded in the memo. Listen, you need to round up all the salesmen, except for Ryan and Pam, and get them down to the warehouse pronto.
Andy: Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.
Dwight: Stop doing rhyming poetry. Just tell them, please. God, the simplest thing.
Michael: Oscar, what were you going to say?
Oscar: Nothing. I didn't say anything.
Michael: All right.
Erin: Do I still have a job here?
Michael: Not important. Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen.
Dwight: Wait, what?
Stanley: How is that going to work?
Michael: It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and--
Phyllis: You mean the clients you stole from us.
Dwight: Yeah, aren't we getting those clients back?
Michael: No, you lost those clients.
Andy: I call foul, sir.
Michael: Okay.
Charles: In the last month we have lost ten major clients to Michael Scott.
Stanley: What are we supposed to do? They keep undercutting us on price.
Charles: I don't want to hear excuses. I want to see improvements. This is unacceptable.
Andy: Hey, Boss. Uh, I'd just like to point out that I have been here less time than these guys.
Charles: Why are you telling me this?
Andy: I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie.
Charles: Is this something you really want to have said?
Andy: I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it.
Andy: Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
Dwight: Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Andy: Better a cappella!
Dwight: No! Really?
Andy: Yeah. Name another.
Dwight: Enter Sandman, Metallica.
Andy: Better a cappella.
Dwight: Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
Andy: Aw!! Way better a cappella
Dwight: Really?
Andy: Yeah.
Dwight: Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
Andy: The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man.
Dwight: And I, yours. So I will cede her to you.
Andy: No, that's ridiculous.
Dwight: No no no.
Andy: Look you've been here longer, and besides, I'm a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so-
Dwight: Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know ...
Dwight: Hey buddy, what are you up to?
Andy: Um, nerthing?
Dwight: Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis.
Andy: Pffft.
