Favorite Andy Dwyer Quotes
So, what do you want to do tonight? We could watch TV at Burley's house, or we could watch TV at your house. Or, I mean we could watch TV at Best Buy.
Andy: How long is it going to last?
Ron: If we're lucky this building will be empty for months.
Andy: He just sat down. What am I suppose to do? He's my boss.
Ann: No, he's not!
Andy: He isn't? God dang it, I cannot figure out who my boss is.
My problem is I don't know how to tell if we're doing good, because when you play a rock show, it's really easy to know if you're doing great because chicks will flash their boobs at you. When you're up on stage. And you're like, "That musta sounded pretty good." But I can't, if that happens here my eyes will fall out of my head and I'll die.
Hey, Mark. The shoe shine stand still doesn't have that syphilis medication you were asking about.
I'd say my coaching style is centered around fundamentals, with an emphasis on fun. And a second emphasis on... mental.
Andy: I thought I'd give back to those less fortunate than myself.
Ann: You live in a pit.
I know that legally Ann is now mine, but it weirdly doesn't feel that way.
Tom: All I can think about is Captain Mustache plowing my ex-wife.
Andy: And you imagine he's wearing a cape, while he's plowing her?
Tom: What?
Andy: No, just Captain Mustache? I mean if all you could think of is Ron — you know — Maybe put him in some tights and a cape, and then it would be funny.
Tom: Now I'm imagining a cape.
Yo. So I feel like you were mad at me yesterday and I don't know why so I made a list of everything I did and I'm going to try not to do any of them again.
The key to volunteering? A lot of pockets. For putting all the food in. The Red Cross has amazing cookies. I go there all the time. Meals on Wheels was a bonanza. Suicide Hotline? Surprisingly lame spread.
I thought you were going to say yes, but that's OK. Because I'll be back tomorrow to ask you again. And again, the next day. And the next day. Not Friday I have to go visit my cousin. But I will be back after that to ask you again.
