I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.

Ann: As a nurse and as your friend, I highly suggest you don't try to stay up for the next 24 hours.
Leslie: I can definitely do it. I've already been up for 24 hours.

Ron: How are we doing?
Andy: Pretty good. I may have promised a new aquatic center to somebody. Is that a problem?
Ann: I diagnosed two melanomas. They're both benign.

Leslie: Thanks for the coffee.
Ann: That's also for Mark.
Leslie: I really need it though. But next time more sugar, OK? Thanks, bye!

Ann: I watch a lot of Lifetime movies. There was this one, "How Far is Too Far Enough: The Terry Palaver Lonagan Story." This woman had agoraphobia and her therapist was obsessed with her. And he hid in her house, and then he attacked her and tried to eat her toes. Also, her daughter was having sex way too young. So yeah, free self defense class? I'm there.

I always had fun with Andy. The problem is when you're his girlfriend, you're also his mother, and his maid, and his nurse. He's completely helpless. He's like a baby in a straightjacket. Ooo, baby in a straightjacket, that's a good band name. I should tell him that.

I'm paying April fifty bucks to watch my house while I'm away. I would have asked Leslie but I've seen the way she takes care of her house.

Ann: Here are the keys. And remember...
April: I know. Don't let Tom make a copy.

Donna: I'll take it.
Ann: Donna, there's a camera in it.
Donna: I know.

Ann: OK, this is one of those nanny cam teddy bears, isn't it?
Tom: What? No, it's a regular camera-less teddy bear. Just put it in your bedroom. Don't even think about it.

Tom: Happy belated Valentine's Day.
Ann: Valentine's Day was a month ago. Why are you giving it to me now?
Tom: Whatever. Happy early Valentine's Day.

Leslie: Possum, there was a possum. We captured a possum and we brought it into your house and it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed.
Ann: What?
Leslie: And it went into your laundry and your kitchen and it touched all your bras. And I'm so sorry, it's our fault we captured it and it got out and it ran around and it was a possum, OK? April, run, April. Sorry, Ann. I love you!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.


Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!