Mark: I knew, eventually, somehow being in a relationship with you would totally pay off.
Ann: I bought him some actual towels. He was using a bathrobe. And I bought him some other things that humans usually use, like shampoo.

Ann: What do you need this bird house for? Can we get rid of it?
Leslie: I might need it.
Ann: What about this one?
Leslie: Well, if two birds come along.

Pawnee is the fourth most obese city in America. The kids here are just beefy. They're husky, big-boned, chunk monsters.

Ann: Hey, how's the date going?
Leslie: Good, we just finished the MRI.

Leslie: Wait. How's he gonna know it's me? I'll wear a red rose in my hair. No, I'll wear a giant red hat. No, I don't have one of those. What should I wear? It's gotta be red.
Ann: I will just tell him what you look like.

Andy: You have to choose: me or Justin?
Ann: What? No. I'm dating Mark!
Andy [to camera]: This close.

Andy: No, I just figured because, uh, pool's all about angles and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
Mark: Let's do it.
Ann: Really? That worked?

Ron: When I look at my palm I see a lady's mouth French kissing a dog. Is that normal?
Ann: Well, the pain medication I gave you is pretty strong. Donna uses it for menstrual cramps.

Leslie: Ann, you ready to bag some birds?
Ann: Nope. But I am ready to relax by the fire and get my real simple magazine on.
Leslie: Well if you change your mind, you're now officially a licensed Indiana hunter.
Ann: Oh, gross.

Leslie: Can we all agree on eliminating any of these designs.
April: Ann's blows.
Ann: Wow, don't hold back.
April: No offense but it's a giant picture of a park. That's not art.
Ann: Well, at least it's not a fat human hamster eating meat.
April: You don't even work here.
Leslie: OK, guys you both have a point. Ann, yours was a little trite. And April, yours was hellish, and might make someone vomit.
April: Thank you.

Leslie: People love voting for tragedy. Look at the Oscars! This is our Holocaust movie. This is our English Patient.
Ann: Sounds like you're exploiting the tragedy.
Leslie: See, Ann gets it.

Donna: OK, so, here's where it gets a little dicey 'cause there's not that many celebrities from Indiana. So, um, a Nascar. Uh, my friend Becky, Ron Swanson...
Leslie: Donna, who's the Jesus?
Donna: That would be Greg Kinnear.
Leslie: Do you think he's the best choice for Jesus? I mean he was great on ER.
Tom: Greg Kinnear wasn't in ER.
Leslie: Yeah he was.
Ann: I don't think that he was.
Leslie: Who am I thinking of?

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.