Pitt: My sister's kid. Useless.
Tony: Useless. Well with a name like that, what do you expect?

Pitt: Me, I'm not the coddling type.
McGee and Tony: We've noticed

Tony: Mr. Pitt, you sit tight.
Pitt: Sit tight for what? I just said I didn't kill him.
McGee: Until we know that's true, you're still facing a weapons charge.
Tony: Assault with a deadly Dobie.

Tony: You know, I've been thinking about getting a dog.
Gibbs: He's not a dog. He's a Marine.

Vance: Where is he?
McGee: It's haircut Tuesday, Director Vance.
Tony: Yeah, the bowl should be coming off his head just about now.

Gibbs: You volunteering for that, are you DiNozzo?
Tony: Stripper. Caribbean beach. Is that a trick question?
Gibbs: Behave yourself, Skippy.
Tony: Aye, aye sir.

Tony [to Ned Dorneget]: What in the name of Brooks Brothers are you wearing? You look exactly like what you are: a pubescent federal agent.

Tony: Couldn't help noticing you're sitting here all alone. I thought maybe you'd want some company?
Melissa: Sure. Your partner won't mind?
Tony: Partner?
Melissa: I assumed you two are a couple. Just... your shirt. So...pink.

Light me up, Lord of the Tickets. It's story time.

Tony: ...but lucky for us we've got morning check-ins, email chain letters. Hey - international coffees of the week.
McGee: Yeah that Indonesian Wildboar blend was pretty bitter.
Tony: Bitter. Coffee almost killed me. Seriously, that's dangerous stuff. It's like putting a hot poker up my bum.

Craig: Leon. Good to see you. I didn't know you're coming by for a visit.
Vance: I'm not visiting, I'm here to work.
Craig: Oh, okay. Let me just grab some things from your office...
Vance: No need. I'll be down here. With them.

Tony: So is he back for good?
Gibbs: I don't know.
Tony: But he's not Director Vance. So he's Agent Vance. Would that make him Probie Vance?
Gibbs: DiNozzo. Enough, okay?

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

Well tie me up and call me Loretta.

Fornell