Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo Quotes
Tony: Couldn't help noticing you're sitting here all alone. I thought maybe you'd want some company?
Melissa: Sure. Your partner won't mind?
Melissa: I assumed you two are a couple. Just... your shirt. So...pink.
- Permalink: Couldn't help noticing you're sitting here all alone. I thought...
Light me up, Lord of the Tickets. It's story time.
- Permalink: Light me up, Lord of the Tickets. It's story time.
Tony: ...but lucky for us we've got morning check-ins, email chain letters. Hey - international coffees of the week.
McGee: Yeah that Indonesian Wildboar blend was pretty bitter.
Tony: Bitter. Coffee almost killed me. Seriously, that's dangerous stuff. It's like putting a hot poker up my bum.
- Permalink: ...but lucky for us we've got morning check-ins, email chain let...
Craig: Leon. Good to see you. I didn't know you're coming by for a visit.
Vance: I'm not visiting, I'm here to work.
Craig: Oh, okay. Let me just grab some things from your office...
Vance: No need. I'll be down here. With them.
- Permalink: Leon. Good to see you. I didn't know you're coming by for a visi...
Tony: So is he back for good?
Gibbs: I don't know.
Tony: But he's not Director Vance. So he's Agent Vance. Would that make him Probie Vance?
Gibbs: DiNozzo. Enough, okay?
- Permalink: So is he back for good? I don't know. But he's not Director ...
Drop the bone Mr. Kang. You're coming with us. [Aside to Gibbs] Look at the size of that guy.
- Permalink: Drop the bone Mr. Kang. You're coming with us. Look at the siz...
Ziva: DiNozzo, pull it together.
Tony: Kids. This is way above my pay grade. I spent the afternoon in a child care clinic when I almost lost my life.
Ziva: Stop stop stop stop. We're doing the director a favor, okay? We just need to be here, we need to be normal. Can you just please do that for a few hours?
Tony: Sure. Fine.
Tony: Only because you asked nicely.
- Permalink: DiNozzo, pull it together. Kids. This is way above my pay gra...
Ziva: All warehouses are the same.
Tony: Up there with old houses, churches and prisons. Gives me the willies.
Ziva: Is that the thing where people lick their fingers and them they put it in someone's ear?
Tony: That's a wet willy.
- Permalink: All warehouses are the same. Up there with old houses, churche...
Khan: Natural ingredients break down faster. I only eat organic.
Tony: Well that's about to change. Along with a few other aspects of your ironic hipster lifestyle. So whaddya say Chaka Khan? Ready to roll on MC Hammer?
Khan: You don't know anything about music.
Tony: I know it pretty much died around 1977.
- Permalink: Natural ingredients break down faster. I only eat organic. Wel...
Tony: Why do you do what you do?
Khan: If I asked you the same thing, I suspect our answers would be the same.
Khan: No. There are two reasons that are far more base. The steady pay check. Power. The feeling that you've--
Tony: Made a difference.
Khan: Conquered something. Like Caesar.
- Permalink: Why do you do what you do? If I asked you the same thing, I su...
Tony: So he pulls me into his office and I think he's going to chew me out for that thing I said about his hair, right? But no. He wants to know if I think he's being doing an okay job.
McGee: The deputy is no Director Vance, that's for sure.
- Permalink: So he pulls me into his office and I think he's going to chew me...
Tony: It's weird doing this stuff without her [Abby] isn't it? It's like going to a puppet show, except all the puppets are just laying there on the stage. These dead puppets. Sorry.
Ziva: Why are you sorry?
Tony: It's ...
Ziva: My father dies and all of a sudden you cannot talk to me about dead puppets. I'm fine, Tony.
- Permalink: It's weird doing this stuff without her isn't it? It's like go...
McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.
McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.
- Permalink: Abby's highly-specific rules for dating