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Ncis

Ziva: Slow drivers.
Tony: Bad drivers.
Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
Tony: You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.

Tony: It's a remote control receiver?
McGee: Yes, it is.
Ziva: What is the range?
McGee: Almost a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?

Tony: Baby, I'm amazed. A maze of maize.
Ziva: What?!
Tony: Maize. It's the Indian word for corn.
Ziva: The Indian word for corn is maki.
Tony: Not Indians from India! Indians from, you know, here!
Ziva: Well if they were Indians from here then we would be called American Indians, you dork.
Tony: They'd be called Native Americans, Miss Citizenship Test.

McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association -
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker Spaniel Rufus.
Ziva: It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well.

Tony: Well, you're off on your own, Ziva. I'm already enlightened. I know exactly where I am. It may not be pretty, but I am DiNozzo. Hear me roar.
Ziva: Like an elephant.

Tony: [on phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Abby: Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
Tony: The walls?
Abby: Well do they appear to be removable?
Tony: Huh.
McGee: Abby.
Abby: Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Tony: Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.

Tony: I called and you didn't pick up.
Franks: I'm not going to answer the phone! I'm a fugitive!
Tony: So what do you want me to do?!
Franks: Knock!
Tony: Why would I knock? There's no lock on that door!
Franks: Someone may be on the other side with a gun??
Tony: Why would someone be standing on the other side with a gun?!
Franks: Because there's no lock on the door!

Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!

Ziva: You cannot even work your email properly! You always reply to all. It drives me absolutely nuts! You know, when it comes to computers, you are almost as incompetent as Gib - [looks around]
Tony: You thought Gibbs was behind you. You know why? Because sneaky people expect sneakiness. It's a vicious circle.

Ziva: That is total salami!
Tony: Bologna.

Tony: You failed your polygraph! That's not good.
McGee: No, I didn't fail it. They said I have to take it again.
Tony: Why would you have to take it again? Don't ask, don't tell. You didn't make the mistake of coming out, did you?
McGee: I don't have anything to come out about.
Tony: Stick to that story, McQueen.

Tony: I thought you weren't sure what to say?
Ziva: I guess I had a long time to think about things.
Tony: I'm sorry, Ziva.
Ziva: No. It is I who am sorry.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 245 in total

NCIS Quotes

She's a probie. Besides, Tony did a whole lot worse to me.

McGee

Never assume. (Season 9, Episode 21)

Rule #8
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