McGee: If he's taken a photo and emailed it to anybody I can use the GPS coordinates from the exif data--
Tony: You do realize that if you keep telling us how you do your job then we're not going to need you anymore?

Parsons: After spending a few hours in a car with him I can say that Agent DiNozzo is a capable investigator..
Ziva: More than capable. Unfortunately he can also be quite a child.
Tony: This was a mistake.

Ziva: I went to Israel to bury my father. It was a moment of weakness. I felt alone.
Tony: You need to talk to legal.
Ziva: No I don't.
Tony: My Hebrew must not be as good as I thought. Because I could have sworn that when I dropped you off at the airport I told you that you are not alone.
Ziva: Yes you did.
Tony: Well then. We must have different interpretations.

Abby: Is that broken?
Tony: No Mrs. Mulwray, but I damned near lost my nose. I like breathing through it.
Abby: Mrs. Mulwray
Tony: Faye Dunaway and of course Mr. Jack.
Ziva: Yeah, I know. Chinatown.

McGee: If you don't like my rules you can find someone else to drive you in.
Tony: All I wanted was to stop for coffee. I was willing to treat.
McGee: No one eats or drinks in my car.
Tony: Well I guess sex is out of the question.

Ziva: You know I keep thinking if it was not for Orly, things would have been different. I would be a different person.
Tony: Then I should I catch her before she leaves. You know. I'd thank her.

Tony: Ziva. Are you thinking of ways to rough up the new Mossad director?
Ziva: Orly is an opportunist. She's even not worthy of roughing up.
Tony: I'd still pay to see it.

Tony: Maybe you and I can find a court, play a little one-on-one?
Ziva: You can ask Adam out on a date later.

Ziva: When I have a man, the favors I offer have little to do with clothes.
Tony: That's good to know.

Tony: Yesterday she came back from lunch smelling like Thai food and beer.
McGee: So she stopped for takeout.
Tony: Ziva hates Thai food. And she drinks on the job as often as she gets my movie references.

Hope this doesn't turn into one of those whacked-out games of tic-tac-toe. You know, a finger here, an arm there, you find a head and you've got a meat puzzle...

Tony: This is not good McGee.
McGee: Tony leave it alone.
Tony: I'm just saying: she's hopped on the rogue train before.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.