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Ncis

[to Ziva] Think about it. First you had your little Miami vice, now Prince Albert in a can. Oh, they can't help it. You're just a walking Israeli love machine.

Ziva: Apologize.
Tony: What for?
Ziva: For being you.
Tony: Sweetheart, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I'd be loaded.

Dempsey: Who's he?
Tony: Public affairs officer.
Dempsey: You brought your publicist to a bomb threat?

Who's the new face of NCIS? You're lookin' at it, McEnvy.

Come on, $22 a pound for rib eye? That's the real crime.

Tony: You need some lady advice.
Tim: I'd rather get a lap dance from a nun.

Tony: Davy Jones. Used to sing with The Monkees.
Ziva: Real monkeys?"
Tony: I envy your brain sometimes.

This was no boating accident.

DiNozzo: We got nothing.
Tobias: I don't like the sound of that.
DiNozzo: [way more enthusiastically] WE GOT NOTHIN'!

Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant.
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically that means we own the building.
Ziva: Wow.

Ziva: What is that?
Tony: It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.

I mean, sure, Tim, you're kids are going to be smart, but mine have a shot at being really beautiful.

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 245 in total

NCIS Quotes

You know what your grandpa used to say? Water never forgets. Anyone with a boat named them will live forever. How about that?

Ann Gibbs

Never assume. (Season 9, Episode 21)

Rule #8
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