McGee: You don't deserve yogurt, you know that? All you do is bash people: me, the suit guy, Jackson.
Tony: Okay. I got it. Thanks for setting me straight. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Asabe Dawson: Why couldn't he have just let the man have the money?
Tony: He's still a Marine, even on leave.

Tony: Now me, I like a challenge. Pulling one over on Gibbs - that would be a feat for the ages.
McGee: What do you have - a death wish?
Tony: I like to live dangerously.

Tony: Oil business has Benham Parsa written all over it.
Gibbs: FBI?
McGee: They don't think there's a connection. Intel shows that Parsa's still underground.

We live in a strange world, McGee. I miss the days when computer nerds looked like you.

Tony: I've got an uneasy feeling, McGee.
McGee: Well I told you not to order Chinese from a Mexican restaurant.

Tony: You're a special lady, Borin. Can't wait to meet the peg-leg gentleman who woos you.
Borin: Yo ho ho, DiNozzo.

Gibbs: Whaddya got?
Tony: Crabs.
Borin: We have a problem.
Gibbs: Worse than DiNozzo's crabs?

McGee: Exactly how early were you up?
Tony: Technically I haven't slept.
McGee: At all? You want to talk about it?
Tony: I feel we just did.

McGee: Sleep deprivation affects high level cognitive functions, cardiovascular health, circulation.
Tony: You just Googled that on the ride over didn't you?

Tony: Choward's scented gum.
Gibbs: That mean something to you?
Tony: Yeah. It means McGee's right. I'm starting to see things.

Tony: Hey. Delilah. Why are you here?
Delilah: Haven't you heard? Transfer just came in. It's official - I'm joining the team.
McGee: Careful Delilah. Tony's operating on a serious sleep deficit. His neural transmitters aren't processing humor right now.
Delilah: I was just kidding, Tony.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.