The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXApu Nahasapeemapetilon Quotes
Apu: Did you notice that there is a kid on your bus?
Otto: Glad you told me. I was about to go to Mexico.
(Patty and Selma stop at the Kwik-E-Mart and order cigarettes.)
Apu: Oh! All right. Here you go. Smoke them in good health. And will you be needing any lottery tickets with that?
Selma: No! All right. Five.
(Apu arrives for the big fight.)
Apu: Oh, hello, Mrs. Homer! I've brought an assortment of jerkies.
(Apu hands Marge the jerkies.)
Homer: Ooh, did you swipe those from work?
Apu: Oh, certainly not. What has been implied here?
Sideshow Bob: Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu: Yes, yes. I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.
Lisa: Wait a minute. Krusty can't read.
Bart: Okay! Okay! So the poor guy can't read. Can't we get off his back, already?
Lisa: No! Don't you get it, Bart? How could Krusty have been reading a magazine if he can't read?
Apu: Hey, hey. This is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down, or I'll blow your heads off!
Apu: Lisa, how do you like sharing a bathroom with two brothers?
Lisa: Two brothers? Bart, who is this kid?
Bart: He's an orphan, he's like Annie except he's a dude and he hates tomorrow.
Charlie: I hate it so much.
Marge: I can't kill her, she's Lisa's god mother
Apu: You can apologize in hell
Marge: I guess I could!
Lisa: Apu, how did you survie?
Apu: Well, as a vegetarian, I did not consume any tainted meat and as a convenience store owner, I am armed to the teeth
