Ari Gold Quotes
Eric: You know what, I don't even have health insurance.
Ari Gold: Yeah, but I bet you had it over at Quiznos.
Eric: Sbarro's. And I had a business card.
Ari Gold: There you go.
Ari: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know that?
Ari: 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta go fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: No. Don't fire her.
Ari: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.
Ari: You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them.
Eric: He doesn't need me that much.
Ari: Of course he doesn't need you. You're fucking worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That's not the point.
Eric: Then what is the point, Ari?
Ari: The point is that he is an insecure fuck, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn't trust anyone in this world but you. You've been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown.
I thought you already were his manager. Because believe me I would not put up with this much shit from anyone who wasn't.
I'm ready to go, baby. I'm like R. Kelly at recess
Mrs. Ari: Where are you going?
Ari: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant.
Emily: Vince and the guys are going to a party at Josh Weinstein's.
Ari: Who's Josh Weinstein?
Emily: Are you joking? He's your old assistant.
Ari: I have many old assistants.
Emily: All right, two before me. Before Jackie, after Jared.
Ari: Ah - my "J" phase. I think I fired him for stealing pens. Why do I care about Josh?
Emily: Well now he's an agent at Triad. And he's the one who gave the boys Queens Boulevard.
Ari: That's why no more guys! You fire a guy you create a rival. You fire a woman you create a housewife.
Ari: Emily! I want you to go to that party on Saturday, represent the agency, let Vince know that my Army's everywhere.
Emily: Ari, I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
Ari: You are in the middle of this, whether you like it or not. Okay? You wanna be a hero? You want a medal, or are you a coward? Knock off the hippie shit, strap on a helmet, and start shooting. This is Malibu, Emily, I want you to storm that beach like it's fuckin' Normandy!
Mrs. Ari: You are such an asshole.
Ari: I'm the asshole that pays for your art lessons and gets celebrities to attend your charity events, and supports your deadbeat brother.
Mrs. Ari: Hey little agent boy, you better be back here for the cake.
Ari: Okay
Gary Busey: You worked craft service on Lethal Weapon 1 didn't you?
Ari: I certainly did not. I used to represent you. Remember?
Gary Busey: I know you. You are a gut maggot with no guts.
Ari: You're gonna spin off this planet. I love it!
Ari: You know what they feed people on an indie set, Vinne? Nothing! They don't give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?
Eric: Well, if anybody could do it, Vince could.
Vince: I do have great balance.
Call me Helen Keller because I'm a fucking miracle worker!
