How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

Mark my words, Marshall, someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs.

Lily: And the most important rule of all...
Barney: Lubricant is public property.

Lily: Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one...
Barney: Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude.

Zoey: Barney was here? I was walking around half naked.
Barney: Aw Man! Wait which half?

Barney: You're all the Blitz! I slept with that cute Indian girl that cuts my hair.
Robin: What does that have to do with anything?
Barney: Nothing I just forgot to brag about it before!

Robin! Robin! I will pay you to be the Blitz. A hundred dollars, no! Ten thousand dollars, no! Sixty bucks. What's a lot of money to someone like you?

He has got to go, you need to be like you are the weakest link goodbye! Punchy, the tribe has spoken. Please pack up your knives and go. Your work of art, didn't work for me. You're times up. I have to ask you to leave the mansion. You must leave the chateau. Your tour ends here. You've been chopped! You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. Your desert just didn't measure up. Sashay away! Give me your jacket and leave Hell's kitchen! You did not get a rose. You have been eliminated from the race. You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. You're fired. Auf Wiedersehen.

Space? Teens? Is this a porno?!?!

It's Robin Sparkles 3 ya'll!

Barney: SCIENCE! There is an 83% correlation between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid. Think about it, proms, weddings, grandmas funerals...Thanks for the redhead Nana. The everyday boutonniere, by Stinson.
Robin: Aaaand nope!

Marshall: Oh you're wearing a flower.
Barney: Thank You!
Marshall: I didn't compliment, just observed.

Robin: You wanna dance? Let's dance.
Barney: I live for the dance
Robin: Get your other hand, off my ass.
Barney: Sorry, sorry.

Displaying quotes 205 - 216 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney
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