Barney: How's the single life?
Ted: I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, I'm laying low.
Barney: Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing thirty nine?

Get out your MetroCard Ted because tonight's the night we partied with the mole people!

Barney: The truth is I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?

Back boobs... the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style, patent pending.

I'm KFC, you don't mess with the Colonel's original recipe!

Barney: It's my apartment and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever, say that to any girl, ever!

Barney: Are you saying evil plan?
Quinn: Hells to the yes!

I was gonna say, and now the gentlemen bump fists. How long you been holding back that one?

Fine I'll fill her in and I am so angry I am not even going to make a joke about filling her in, which I did three times last night. Self five!

Quinn: Hey Gorgeous, want a dance?
Barney: Is it a jig? Cause if so, it's up! Sorry I only had the last verse of "Hot For Teacher" to work on that.

Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.

Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted