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How-i-met-your-mother

Barney: How's the single life?
Ted: I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, I'm laying low.
Barney: Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing thirty nine?

Get out your MetroCard Ted because tonight's the night we partied with the mole people!

Barney: The truth is I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?

Back boobs... the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style, patent pending.

I'm KFC, you don't mess with the Colonel's original recipe!

Barney: It's my apartment and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever, say that to any girl, ever!

Barney: Are you saying evil plan?
Quinn: Hells to the yes!

I was gonna say, and now the gentlemen bump fists. How long you been holding back that one?

Fine I'll fill her in and I am so angry I am not even going to make a joke about filling her in, which I did three times last night. Self five!

Quinn: Hey Gorgeous, want a dance?
Barney: Is it a jig? Cause if so, it's up! Sorry I only had the last verse of "Hot For Teacher" to work on that.

Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.

Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

Ted
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