Barney: How's the single life?
Ted: I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, I'm laying low.
Barney: Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing thirty nine?

Get out your MetroCard Ted because tonight's the night we partied with the mole people!

Barney: The truth is I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?

Back boobs... the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style, patent pending.

I'm KFC, you don't mess with the Colonel's original recipe!

Barney: It's my apartment and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever, say that to any girl, ever!

Barney: Are you saying evil plan?
Quinn: Hells to the yes!

I was gonna say, and now the gentlemen bump fists. How long you been holding back that one?

Fine I'll fill her in and I am so angry I am not even going to make a joke about filling her in, which I did three times last night. Self five!

Quinn: Hey Gorgeous, want a dance?
Barney: Is it a jig? Cause if so, it's up! Sorry I only had the last verse of "Hot For Teacher" to work on that.

Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.

Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?

HIMYM Quotes

Think of me like Yoda but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro - I'm Broda!

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney