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Family-guy

Stewie: What are you doing?
Brian: What does it look like? I'm leaving.
Stewie: You can't leave. That's desertion! They'll come after you like Peter came after that hockey coach! (Pause) No clip? Huh. Thought we had a clip.

Stewie: Let me ask you this. When was the last time you saw something through to the end?
Brian: Well I uh..
Stewie: NEVER, thats when! You need this Brian. You dropped out of college, you still haven't finished your novel, do you know what you lack? Discipline! You know where you'll get it? Right here in the Army!

Sgt. Angryman: Congratulations men, you've all passed basic training. I'm proud to call you soldiers. I'm sure you'll do your country proud tomorrow when you are all shipped off, to Iraq.
Brian: What!?
Stewie: Oh don't worry, I'm sure he means Fraggle-Iraq.

(Stewie and Brian begin kissing in order to get thrown out of the Army)
Stewie: Wow, look at how gay we are! I am so gay with my gayness!
Brian: Me, too! I'm...I'm a homo.
Army Guy: Any room for one more?
Stewie: Hell yeah!
(Brian smacks Stewie)

Stewie: Brian, did you see Revenge of the Sith?
Brian: Yeah, I saw part of it.
Stewie: Why does Emperor Palpatine have a desk?
Brian: Huh?
Stewie: In that scene where Yoda comes in and they're about to have that big fight, Emperor Palpatine clearly gets up from his desk. I'm just saying, what does he...what does he need a desk for?
Brian: Who the hell cares?
Stewie: I'm just saying, it's weird. I mean, like, what was he doing at his desk right before Yoda walked in? What was he doing? Was he doing paperwork? Was he, like, "Uh Yoda, what do you need, and will it take longer than five minutes? I'm absolutely swamped. These requisition forms for new TIE fighters have to be down to Debbie in accounting by six or Nute Gunray is gonna pitch a tent in my waiting room."

Brian: Well it seems everything worked out for the best, Meg.
Peter: (Blows rasberry)
Chris: Ha!Ha!Haa! Meg!
Peter: (Blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg!
Peter: (Blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg!
Peter: (Rasberry noise without him sticking out his tongue) ...Pardon me. (gets up and walk away)

Stewie: Spit on me.
(Brian spits on him)
Stewie: (sighs) That's nice. Now tell me I'm scum.
Brian: How will that cool you off?
Stewie: Hmmm?

Lois: So how was work today, Meg?
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Lois: Peter, you lost your job because of the superstore. You shouldn't blame Meg.
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Lois: And you can stop making that fart sound every time someone says 'Meg.'
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Brian: So how was your day exploiting the town's resources, Meg?
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Chris: (laughs) Meg!
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg!
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg!
Peter: (blows raspberries)
Chris: (whispers) Meg!
Peter: (blows silent raspberry)
Meg: I'm not gonna sit here and take this! I'm the only one in this family that has a job!
Peter: (whispers something in Brian's ear)
Brian: (chuckles) Yeah, like she'd get paid for that.
Meg: (to Brian) What did he just say to you?!
Brian: Nothing. It's like-- There was-- Forget it. It's nothing, Meg.
Peter: (blows raspberry)

Brian: (teasing) Stewie loves Lois.
Stewie: Brian loves Olympia Dukakis.
Brian: Oh, yeah I do.

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