South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralButters Stotch Quotes
Blaintologist: Let me ask you all something. Do you consider yourselves to be happy?
Butters: I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.
Blaintologist: Right, the reason that you are--
Butters: Then I always wake up in the morning to the sound of my own screams. Do you think I'm unhappy?
You're not the Towelie you used to be. Where you used to be fluffy and absorbent, now you are crusty and unable to absorb the smallest amount of waster.
Towelie had a girlfriend he really liked. Then she got pregnant and had a little wash cloth.
How come you're packing fudge, Mr. Cruise?
Cartman: You were sleep walking again and dressed Sarah Jessica Parker in a moose suit and you left her in the forest and she got shot by a hunter.
Butters: What? Oh no.
Cartman: You're gonna have to come down and admit it was you.
Butters: I got her killed too? Owell, at least she was ugly.
Mr. Stotch: Butters, away from the window, you're being grounded.
Butters: Sorry dad. I was just being the voice of a generation.
(as Barbie) Butters, would you like to slap my titties around?
Cartman: Outlander! Outlander! We have your woman! She still lives Outlander! Outlander! Her blood will spill.
Butters: What the heck are you talking about?
Cartman: Butters calm down alright.
Linda: Just point us to a phone kid, alright?
Cartman: (laughs) I'm afraid you'll find all the phones... quite out of service.
Mark: No phones either! How do you communicate?
(Cartman pics up a jar, opens it up and speaks into it)
Cartman: Butters, I need an ETA on a car, stat! (closes the jar and hands it to a kid who walks out the door)
Mark: Alright we've had just about enough here. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. I don't care what little games you kids want to play, we just want out of here alright.
(Kid walks back in room with the jar & Cartman opens it)
Butters: (voice from jar) It's gonna be about 3 days.
You can scoop it up in my R. Kelly thermos.
(about the manatee's the class is going to dissect)
Butters: HEY! Ours is still alive!
Mrs. Choksondik: Oh, hold on. (takes brick and pounds on the manatee's skull)
I don't want to do it if it hurts or if it makes you get all sticky.
