Favorite Chandler Bing Quotes
Rachel: I kind of have plans.
Monica: You have other friends?
Rachel: Yeah, I, uh, I have a date.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: You have a date?
Rachel: Yes! I have a date.
Joey: With a man?
Rachel: No, with a crouton. What is so strange about me having a date?
Chandler: With a crouton?
Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!
Joey: I don't wanna leave you high and dry.
Chandler: Hey, I've never been lower or wetter.
Chandler: Okay, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
Phoebe: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? You know, like from, like 20?
(To his Mom) You kissed my best Ross! Or something to that effect.
Joey: I can't sleep with my underwear on.
Chandler: Well you're gonna!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said "We should do this again!"
All: Oh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said "We should do it again," that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated "We should do this again" means "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Ya know, like, "It's not you" means "It is you."
Chandler: Or "You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or, or, ya know, um, "I think we should see other people" means "Ha, ha, I already am."
Monica: (About Phoebe's inappropriate song) Excellent!
Chandler: Very informative!
Rachel: Not at all inappropriate!
Ross: I don't want to be single. Okay? I just want to be married again.
(Rachel enters the coffee shop wearing in a wedding dress)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars.
Chandler: (Thinking to himself) Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
Chandler: And now I have to get a snake.
Phoebe: Ah huh...why is that?
Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing. Y'know, a hook; like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be crazy man with a snake! Y'know, Crazy Snake Man! And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids won't walk past my place they will run! "Run away from Crazy Snake Man!!" they'll shout!
Phoebe: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.
Joey: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: What?
Chandler: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.
Monica: This was your idea?
Phoebe: What were you thinking?
Chandler: (Squirming) All right, let's get some perspective here, okay? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: Yeah. You!
Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, okay? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
Phoebe: Yeah. By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.