The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Chief Wiggum Quotes
Simpson, step away from the orphan, do not give him any more love. I repeat, do not give him any more love.
Lisa: Chief, my brother fell in the storm drain!
Chief Wiggum: I'm strictly an above the ground policeman, what you need is the sewer cops.
Lisa: Fine, what's the number?
Chief Wiggum: Lisa, you're old enough now that I can tell you the truth. There's no such thing as sewer cops. It's just something we tell the kids to feel safe.
Lisa: What about Bart?
Chief Wiggum: Well if you miss him, you can yell into a toilet.
Let him go Lou, someone going that fast has no time for a ticket.
Well, we have no witnesses, no suspects, and no leads. If anyone has any information, please dial "0" and ask for the police. That number again, "0."
Clancy Wiggum
Krusty the Clown: Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?
Chief Wiggum: Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say--Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Krusty the Clown: What is this, a joke?
Chief Wiggum: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck that was hijacked outside of town, would you?
Fat Tony: What's a truck?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
(to Fat Tony) I'm not gonna stop until one of us is in jail. (pause) You!
Chief Wiggum: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!
Fat Tony: What's a murder?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the...um...What cures cancer?
I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.
Eddie: She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
Chief Wiggum: Did you flash your lights?
Eddie: Yes.
Chief Wiggum: Well, I'm fresh out of ideas.
Are you sure? Because we've brought you a lot of flimsy cases. Like that goat we accused of income tax evasion.
