Cosmo Kramer Quotes

Kramer: Hey, do me a favor...Some guy comes in looking for me, tell him you don't know where I am.
Jerry: Of course, I always do.
Kramer: No, no it's that guy. He's really been bugging me about the jacket.
Elaine: Just give it back to him.
Kramer: Oh, he'll have to kill me.

I meet a lot of women in this jacket. They're attracted to it.

(Kramer is carrying an air conditioner box)
Jerry: Will you let me help you with that?
Kramer: I'm gonna put it down behind that car.
Jerry: Worried somebody's gonna pee on it?

Kramer: Purple 23, remember that.George: Yeah, that I'm supposed to remember. Where the car is, that's insignificant.

George: What's the difference? We'll all be dead eventually?
Kramer: Does that bother you?
George: Yeah, it bothers me. Doesn't it bother you?
Kramer: Not at all.
George: You see, now, that bothers me even more than dying bothers me, because it's people like you who live to be 120 because you're not bothered by it.

Bookman. The Library cop's name is Bookman. That's like an ice cream man being named cone!

Kramer: (on the loney librarian) She needs a little tenderness...she needs a little understanding...she needs a little Kramer.
Jerry: Then she'll need a little penicillin.

Kramer: HELLO!
Marion: HELLO!
Mr. Bookman: Hello.

The Dewey Decimal System What a scam that was!

(on breaking up with his girlfriend) Oh yeah! The sooner the better. I can't wait to do it. You know how there's some people you worry about whether or not you're gonna hurt their feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. Boy, I'd like to get it on video. Watch it in slow motion and freeze frame it!

Jerry: You can't tell someone how you feel about their girlfriend until after they stop seeing them.
Kramer: I tell you.
Jerry: You. I'm talking about people.

(to Ellen) I must've been out of my mind! Look at you. Why don't you do something with your life? You sit around here all day. You contribute nothing to society. You're just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? I wouldn't respect myself.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

Seinfeld Photos

  1. Quotes
  2. By Character
  3. Cosmo Kramer Quotes
  4. Page 10