Tyler: You're a joke, Damon.
Damon: Says the guy pining for the girl who slept with Klaus.

Bonnie: She would kill you.
Damon: Cool and then me and all her dopplegangers can start a baseball team on the other side.

Stefan: Come on Damon, you're better than this.
Damon: On the contrary brother, I'm better like this.

I happen to like my old sadistic self?

You are literally the best person I've ever known. And for me to think I could ever change you was giving me way too much credit and you way not enough… you're the good. And I need a little good in my life.

Enzo: Do you wanna kill him or should I?
Damon: I hate deadlines.

Damon: You once told me that calling me "Satan" was an insult to Satan.
Caroline: Well... no one's perfect.

The nicest thing that Katherine Pierce will ever do is feed the maggots that feast upon her flesh.

Stefan: Define "out."
Damon: One who hovers and sticks his nose in other people's business. Wait... I was defining "annoying."

Alaric: You honestly think I'd leave Damon in charge and not look back?
Damon: He's talking about me, isn't he?
Jeremy: He says you're a dick.

Katherine Frickin Pierce can have a selfless moment, and I can't?

Matt: Who spends two years pining after a girl?
Damon: I can hear you, dumbass.

Vampire Diaries Quotes

You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure, and even a little danger... I want you to get everything you're looking for. But for right now, I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing I'm in town yet. Goodnight, Elena.

Damon

Damon: You know what they are? Children. Like lighting a candle's going to make everything OK, or even saying a prayer. Or pretending Elena's not going to end up just like the rest of us murdering vampires. Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children. And I know what you're going to say: 'It makes them feel better, Damon.' So what? For how long? A minute, a day? What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. And a rock with a birthday carved into it that I'm pretty sure is wrong. So thanks, friend. Thanks for leaving me here to babysit. Because I should be long gone by now. I didn't get the girl, remember? I'm just stuck here fighting my brother and taking care of the kids. You owe me big.
Alaric: I miss you too, buddy.