It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Dennis Reynolds Quotes
Dee [re: the lawyer]: Wow, what an asshole.
Dennis: You are killing a man, you know that, right?
Doctor: There's a lot of mercy in this decision. I commend it.
Dennis: Technically, we gave the order to him to give to you.
Dee: Yeah, if you feel like commending, if you're in the mood for commending...
Dennis: If you're going to throw some commendations around...
Mac, you have an exceptional number of bugs in your teeth. You're gonna want to rinse those out. It's disgusting.
Dennis: Wait, Liam - you're marrying Maureen?
Liam: Oh yeah, big time. Don't be jelly.
Dennis: Why are you doing this? What's your angle?
Liam: Oldest angle in the book, my friend... (*grunts*) Llllove.
Frank: (*after a bat bites him*) I just got tagged by a bat! I got tagged! Suck out the poison, Dee! I'll give you $200 if you suck it out.
(*Dee sucks on Frank's head*)
Frank: Suck it harder!
Mac: Did you swallow it?!
Dee: Yeah, I swallowed it.
Mac: Make yourself throw up!
Charlie: You swallowed the poison!
Dennis: Bats don't have poison!
Dennis: (upon seeing Maureen's 'enhacements') Why, Maureen, you've enhanced yourself.
Maureen: Well, yeah, I got my tooth fixed.
Dennis: I'm talking about your tits! Your giant, new titties, Maureen!
Oh! Shit! Maureen!... That was terrible. Who did those tits!? The nipple placement is crazy.
Dennis: I have a background in academic psych from an Ivy League School. Not from... La Salle.
Frank: Sounds like a pasta dish.
Therapist: (to Dennis) That door is supposed to be locked.
Dennis: Yeah, I know. I taped the knob 'cuz I knew I'd be poppin' in and out.
Therapist: Tell me about these size pills you're giving Mac.
Dennis: Well, now that's more like it. So, they're Mexican ephedra. Calling them 'size pills' was an elegant solution. The guy was gross, it was disgusting. He was fat as shit, he smelled like shit, he sounded like shit, his groans, his snores, his sleep apnea, it was gross. He was repulsive really.
Therapist: So, you've been drugging him secretly?
Dennis: Giving a man medicine for his disease. Wherever did I get that idea?
Therapist: What are you writing?
Dennis: What? No, not writing. Drawing. Drawing conclusions. Drawing this...
(Dennis holds up his drawing of himself holding the naked Therapist's grossly exaggerated and oversized breasts from behind) You like this? It's very generous.
Dennis: Yeah, I gotta say - this is a strange place for a doctor's office. What's this guy's name?
Mac: Dr. Jinx.
Dennis: Dr. Jinx is the name of a monkey, not a man.
Charlie: How's is this realistically going to solve our problem? Dennis, what do you think of this?
Dennis: Shh shh! I'm just trying to embrace this, maybe knock some emotion loose.
Charlie: Frank's taking me under his wing. Teach me how to swim with the sharks.
Dennis: Charlie can't read.
Frank: He'll adapt.
Dennis: He'll adapt to reading?
