It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Dennis Reynolds Quotes
Mac: Okay, I'm going to run Ops. That door is the only entrance/exit,
so if anyone enters, I'll spring off the balcony.
Dennis: No, no. That's a 50 foot drop.
Mac: And I'm a professional, so I will tuck and roll the landing.
Dennis: You're gonna tuck and roll through a 50 foot drop?
Mac: Dennis, if I had a gun with me, I'd be spraying bullets into the
air as I fell.
Dennis (to himself): Alright, Lefeve, time to put your money where
your mouth is. Time to kick things up a notch. (turns back to
shirtless tiny Asian boy while unzipping pants)
Tiny Asian Boy (now wearing caddy uniform with golf clubs in front of
him): So, only the one set of clubs?
Dennis (surprised): Yes! Clubs! You're a caddy. This is a golf
(motions with hand) yeah! Good! (re-buckles belt) That's better than
what I was about to - (laughs) Lemme, uh - gimme a minute, I need to
switch gears, I almost - yeah.
Dennis: Real women don't even look like that.
Dee: Hey, guys!
Dennis: That (*points to Dee*) is what real women look like.
Mac: Dee, are you sick?
Dee: No! I feel great. I haven't been able to shower in a couple days. I've been gaming like a loon.
Charlie: I'm getting sick of this shit. I really am. You keep treating me like a dumb-dumb and a grunt. I have potential, ya know. I could go places. I could do things. Who knows? I might even rule the world someday.
Dennis: Rule the world, huh? Yeah, if that happens, I'll blow myself.
Mac: Dennis, how does this make you feel?
Dennis: Powerful.
Mac: Yes, of course. But, how does it affect you sexually?
Dennis: I'm very aroused right now.
Mac: I, too, am aroused.
Frank: I'm startin' to swell up.
Charlie: You think you're a god? I'm the one who's thriving! Look at me.
Dennis: You look like you're covered in Hawaiian Punch.
Wait! There's more. There's an old short fat man here. He sat with his young sleeping partner. Bring them a glass of the house red from us.
Mac: I'm not going to sit down until you say something nice to me. For once in your life.
Dennis: Your hair is small.
You remember that night at Dooley's pool party on that fine Summer eve? When I did that double jack-knife twist and blew everyone's tits off? You remember that? And then I went down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later that night?
He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges instead of retreating to the sewers nude to forage for rings and coins. Or to the toilets. To a life filled with rats. He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing double jack-knife twist, which I did. Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that, I did it. And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on a trampoline that very same night, which I also did. And I licked her asshole a little bit. It was pretty good. It was alright. It wasn't great.
Mac: I'm gonna smash this (vase of flowers) over their goddam heads!
Dennis: Yes, Mac! Yes! I'm gonna blast them with this fire extinguisher!
Charlie: Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
Frank: I'm gonna pinch their dicks with this lobster.
Charlie: Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished collies. My client, Frank here, isn't really on trial today, ya know. Common sense is on trial. And while common sense would tell you that eating a bowl of cereal while operating a car it's reckless, it's moronic, one might even call it, 'donkey-brained'.
Dennis: Donkey-brained?
Charlie: It means to have the brains of a donkey or a donkey-type creature.
Dennis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I know what it means, guy.
