Favorite Dwight Schrute Quotes
People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it.
Dwight: Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?
Dan Gore: No.
Dwight: No? Then you are an idiot.
I'm been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes, I wake up cradling a gourd.
Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone!
Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight: I want him to have all the urine he needs.
Dwight: Are we idiots? What right, does Jim have to claim authority? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade... We exist. These are those seconds! Let us storm his castle. Come on! (Tick.) Let's get him. (Tock.) Let's get Jim! (Tick.) And drag Jim out of his office. (Tock.) Take his keys away from him! (Tick!) That's a clock! The time is getting very close. It's now or never. [screams] What say you!
Phyllis: I say no.
Dwight: No I mean, what do you say to my plan.
Michael: They're men, Dwight.
Dwight: I love finding a good set of twins.
Dwight: How would one of you feel, if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company.
Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight: I wasn't talking to you, Pale Face.
Erin: I know, I mean I'd be happy for them!
Dwight: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train, straight to middle management.
Stanley: Dwight, I know this program. "Every color is important because together we make a rainbow."
Dwight: Yes.
Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.
[after arriving at a dump] This place has gone to hell.
Dwight: Ding dong.
Jim: Who is it?
Dwight: KGB.
Jim: Alright. I just got out of the shower, I'll be one second.
Dwight: [in accent] When you are done, open the door. ... Hello in there?
Jim: Yeah, I'm late for work, so I have to brush my teeth, it's a whole routine.
Dwight: We have more houses to visit.
Jim: If you want to come back then, that'll be fine.
Dwight: We will come back at... how is [looks at watch] 4:45?
Jim: I get back from work around 6.
Dwight: How about 5:15?
Jim: You can try. That, that might work.
Dwight: Very well, we will come back at 5:15.
Jim: Alright.
Schrute sperm are strong. But not as strong as a fully-grown Schrute.
I know that I'm an adult, but maybe I could come by some time for a teeth-cleaning.
