The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Edna: I know you feel guilty about coldcocking Homer.
Ned: Please don't use that word in bed.

Ned: Well sir, now we'll have an open marriage.
Edna: Um, you do know what that means?
Ned: No, but I"m sure Newt Gingrich wouldn't steer us wrong.

Edna: We have shirts from other high schools.
Marge: Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.

Edna: Those two boys of yours weren't delivered by the stork.
Flanders: Yes they were. We deliberately chose a Doctor Stork so we could say it without lying.

Donny: Hey, Krabappel! Your name sounds like "Crabapple." Did you go sour waiting for someone to pick you?
Mrs. Krabappel: (Sighs) Pretty much.

Bart: Boys and girls, Mrs. Krabappel, I come before you today to solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: What has four legs and ticks?
Milhouse: A walking clock?
Nelson: A walking clock!
Martin: I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box!
Edna: Bart, is it a walking clock?
Bart: What?.....No, it's my dog.

Nelson: The ingredients were: fresh pureed tomatoes, water, salt, and sodium benzoate used to retard spoilage. Once again, if I'm not mistaken, this can contained tomato paste.
Edna: Thank you, Nelson. I look forward to seeing it again next week.

Bart: Each parking space is a mere one foot narrower, indistinguishable to the naked eye. Therein lies the game.
Millhouse: I fear to watch...yet I cannot turn away!
Principal Skinner: Blasted woman, you parked too close, move your car!
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm in the lines. You got a problem, go tell your mama.
Principal Skinner: Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this!

Edna: The wireless was an invention by Guglielmo Marconi. Who can tell me what his first message was?
Bart: Uh
Milhouse: I want-a change-a my name!
(Everyone laughs)
Edna: (chuckling) Oh, good one, Milhouse. Anyone else? The first message by wireless?
Bart: It was
Martin: Our tenth caller will receive tickets to Supertramp!
(everyone laughs)

Marge: Bart... I'm going to get you..... some ice cream at the store since I'm saving so much money on Diet Cola!
Ned: Say your prayers, Simpson... Because the schools can't force you like they should!... Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church!
Edna: You're going to be my murder victim... BART! In our school production of Lizzy Borden, starring Martin Prince as Lizzy!
Martin: Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart!

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart Simpson, you've had three months to do this project, you started 30 seconds ago.
Bart: Thank you, thank you.
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm not complimenting you. You've destroyed every ideal i've had about teaching since I saw To Sir With Love as a little girl.
Nelson: Haha, you're old.
Mrs. Krabappel: I saw it on video in the eighties.
Nelson: Outdated media, I stand by my "haha."

Edna: Well, then, you're ready for your make-up test.
Bart: Ohhhhhh! My ovaries.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 38 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart