Elaine Benes Quotes

Cynthia thought we should nuke the rainforest, get rid of it in one sweep, just so we can eliminate it as a topic of conversation.

And there it was, mountains of duck. And not fatty duck either, but juicy tender breasts of duck.

Jerry: Let me ask you a question. If you named a kid Rasputin do you think that would have a negative effect on his life?
Elaine: Nah.

Elaine: I wonder what Gandhi ate before he fasted.Jerry: I heard he used to polish off a box of Triscuits.Elaine: Really?Jerry: Oh yeah, Gandhi loved Triscuits.

Elaine: Hey, have you ever fasted?
Jerry: Well, once I didn't have dinner until, like nine o'clock. That was pretty rough.

Elaine: It's really bad for the fetus. Do you know that.
George: Elaine, she's a psychic. She knows how the kid's going to be.

Elaine: How do we know that dog food is any good? Who tastes it?
Jerry: She's really hungry.

Jerry: Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant.
Elaine: Well, maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her leg.
Jerry: Even if this so-called mental defective did put something on her leg, she's still the one who laughed.

No, no, no, you don't understand! I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!

Woman: I started riding these trains in the '40s. Those days a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.
Elaine: It's ironic.
Woman: What's ironic?
Elaine: This -- that we've come all this way, we've made all this progress, but, you know, we've lost the little things, the niceties.
Woman: No, I mean what does "ironic" mean?

Elaine: I'll be ostracized from the community.
Jerry: What community? There's a community?
Elaine: Of course there's a community.
Jerry: All these years I'm living in a community, I had no idea.

Elaine: Guess who I bumped into. Owen.George: He's alright?Elaine: Yeah, he's almost fully recovered. He told me he was just using me for sex.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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