Favorite Elliot Reid Quotes
Elliot: Speaking of Heparin, have you slept with Turk yet?
Carla: What!?
Elliot: I'm sorry, I'm-no, I'm sorry...too personal.
Carla: I like to wait. I like a guy to want it so bad he basically thinks he isn't gonna get it ever. Then when he's lost the will to live, that's when I jump him.
Elliot: So, how long does that usually-
Carla: A month, maybe two. What about you?
Elliot: I like to use sex as an ice-breaker.
Carla: Ah. And how's that working out for you?
Elliot: I guess I don't have what you would call high self-esteem
When I was little, my mom told me my farts were little demons crawling around in my belly and if I let one out it'd give my grandmother cancer
J.D.'s Narration: Ahhh, the Walk of Shame. All you can really hope for is a supportive friend to help you get through it.
J.D.: Elliot got some booty! Some booty! Some what? What? Elliot got some-
Elliot: Stop it!
J.D.: What? It's my "Elliot Got Some Booty" dance... Oh, come on! Elliot, it's not like anybody else knows.
Dr. Cox: What's up, porn star?
Laverne: Somebody toasted that marshmallow!
Elliot: Well?
J.D.: Somebody got some a-action! She got some aaaction!
Elliot: Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot! Remember the other day, when you told me that I had pit stains? Well, I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am wracked with self-doubt. I have panic attacks. I'm claustrophobic, germaphobic, phobiaphobic. I talk to myself. I talk to my cat. I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice. And yesterday, when that stupid pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed the guy whose leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? 'Cause my dad had an affair with a female butcher! And, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There! I opened up! Are you happy?
Paul: No. I'm incredibly turned on.
Elliot: What is that?
J.D.: It's our baby's crib.
Elliot: It looks like a trap. You trying to catch someone else's baby?
Elliot: Turk also said that Knight Rider is a documentary.
J.D.: It's based on fact, everyone knows that.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, does this shade of red make me look like a clown?
Dr. Cox: No, barbie, no...it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively to clowns.
Elliot: She's a drama queen, J.D.! When her husband was in a coma, it was all, like, taboo and exciting; but now that it's okay for the two of you to be together, the relationship's got no snap... it's got no crackle. J.D... It's got no pop. I know! Because I'm a drama queen, too!
J.D.: Well, Jamie is not like you, okay?
Elliot: No Pop!
Carla: Elliot, you know how they say no one will ever love you until you learn to love yourself?
Elliot: My mother used to say, "No one will ever love you."
Elliot: We-we really shouldn't feel weird about this. I mean, these things like this happen all the time.
J.D.: All the time!
Elliot: Yeah, it's, uh, it's really not a big deal.
J.D.: It's not a big deal!
Elliot: Okay, you've gotta stop repeating everything I say in that weird tone of voice.
J.D.: No more repeating
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, you do realize you don't work here anymore
Kelso: Look, her husband was an old friend of mine, plus I have forgotten more medicine than you two will ever know. [to Denise] I don't know you but I assume I have you beat because you're blond and rolling with ms reeks of beer
Elliot: It's my hair, okay?
Denise: And watch the lip, grandpa, because you wouldn't be the first old man I beat up
Kelso: I like her, she has girl balls
Elliot: Doctor Cox...
Dr. Cox: And there you are.
Elliot: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: I was just now wondering if there is anything that could actually push my headache into a full-blown migrane and there you are. What's the story on the adbit in sixty-four?
Elliot: She's great! I really like her!
Dr. Cox: Yeah, let's see if you can't focus on things that I actually give a rat's ass about
