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South-park

Cartman: I can get the ballots for you. But if I'm going to smuggle them here, I'm going to need a blast suit and a tauntaun.
Mickey Mouse: Sure thing, I've got tauntauns coming out my asshole! Ha-ha!

Cartman: So here's the deal, General Tso, Mr. President: when the Chinese make the sequels, I get to play the part of Luke Skywalker's son. Cartman Skywalker.
General Tso: That was not the deal! We will not be bullied by you!
Cartman: Then I guess we're about to play a game of chicken, General Tso!
Jimmy: I get it, "General Tso's Chicken!"

Cartman: Pretty sweet, huh?
Kyle: What the hell is this?
Cartman: What's it look like? Hundreds of thousands of votes from all the swing states.
Kyle: I don't believe it.
Cartman: No really, there are states full of swingers. Bunch of perverts if you ask me.

Flight Attendant: Would you like some warm nuts, sir?
Cartman: Haahaha! Warm nuts, she says!

Jesus Asterisk Christ, Stan! People are feeling really cheated by this!

Butters: I asked preacher, what about the New Testament? And he says well you still should ought to read it, but you gonna need to put an asterisk next to Jesus' name when ever it comes up!
Cartman: So weak, dude. Dark times, brah. Dark times.

You know I spent five bucks on that stupid thing?

CARTMAN SMASH!

It's Stan's stupid Captain America costume, that's what throwing everybody off! How's people supposed to get that I'm the Hulk when Captain America is on freaking FaceTime?

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