George Costanza Quotes

George: Could we cut to the chase here.Jerry: Cut to the chase? What are you Joe Hollywood? I would lose that.

George: (working on a crossword) What's a three letter word for candy?Jerry: I could never do those things.

I've got so much hand I'm coming out of my glove.

I have no power. Why should she have the upper hand? Once in my life I would like the upper hand. I have no hand. No hand at all. She has the hand. I have no hand.

I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking, "that's why I'm not heterosexual."

Looking for the quotes. Gotta check the quotes. Love a good quote.

Scam Woman: Eight dollars? Eight dollars?
George: What are you doing? You're robbing me?!
Scam Woman: I wasted my whole morning on you for eight dollars?

Big brokerage houses killed my father.

George: ...next thing I knew, she was mopping up the floor with me.
Jerry: How was it?
George: The sex was good, but I threw up from the Hennigan's.
Jerry: Good thing the cleaning woman was there.

Mr. Lippman: I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?George: Who said that?Mr. Lippman: She did.George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time.Mr. Lippman: You're fired.

George: I've always been attracted to cleaning women. Cleaning women, chambermaids
Jerry: Yeah, chambermaids, I'm attracted to them too.
George: Why is that?
Jerry: It's a woman in your room.

Elaine: Can you die from an odor? I mean like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?
Jerry: An overdose of odor? Good question.
George: Do I smell?

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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