Glenn Quagmire Quotes
Peter: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period!
Joe: Peter, shut up! It's 3 in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell's going on out here?
Quagmire: Dammit! People are trying to sleep!
Peter: I'm just saying she's a woman! Yay!
Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I'm exhausted!
- Permalink: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period! Peter, shut up!...
Lois: ...like there was a secret hole in me.
Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois: And I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects and things.
Quagmire: Oh Gaaawwwd!
Lois: And I felt wonderful with all those things fillin' that hole.
Quagmire: Oh GAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWD!
Lois: I did this to myself, so I'm just gonna have to just lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Quagmire: That one is also sexual.
- Permalink: ...like there was a secret hole in me. Oh God! And I was try...
Peter: I know you're interested in being the fourth guy in our entourage, Kevin Connolly, but aren't you a little small?
Quagmire: I'll tell you what you can be in our group if I can have some of your cereal.
Kevin Connolly: Oh no, they're after me Kevin Connoly charms.
- Permalink: I know you're interested in being the fourth guy in our entourag...
Quagmire: How long you been in beauty school?
Candy: Two months.
Quagmire: Well tonight, we're doing facials!
- Permalink: How long you been in beauty school? Two months. Well tonight...
Quagmire [reading note]: Glen, this is your child, next time wear a condom jerk. Oh my god!
Peter: Wait, hang on, there's no guarantee it's your baby.
Quagmire: Ooh, I say that.
- Permalink: Glen, this is your child, next time wear a condom jerk. Oh my g...
Quagmire: Hey Peter, uhh you have a card for if you transfered V.D. to somebody.
Peter: Uhh lets see here...uhh yep, "Sorry I accidentally gave you V.D."
Quagmire: Huh, that's all you have is accidental huh? All right I'll take it.
- Permalink: Hey Peter, uhh you have a card for if you transfered V.D. to som...
Brooke: Glen, will you accept this rose?
Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and tried to have sex with your unconscious body?
- Permalink: Glen, will you accept this rose? Really? After I drugged you a...
Cleveland: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee!
Quagmire: Well that oughta be appropriate, since I just found out I have hepatitis
- Permalink: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee! Well that oughta be appr...
Little Peter: Wow, that Lois is some kinda woman.
Little Quagmire: Yeah, just thinkin' about her makes my testicles wanna drop. Ooh, speak of the devil. Ooh, make that devils
- Permalink: Wow, that Lois is some kinda woman. Yeah, just thinkin' about ...