Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXGlenn Quagmire Quotes
I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through
Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys! Where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I!
Cleveland: Quagmire. You forgot to say "oh".
Quagmire: You sure? I think I did... Well, just to be safe. Oh!
Joe: Say hello to our newest narc.
Quagmire: Oh, yeah? (to Brian) How good are you?
Brian: (Sniffs) You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. Then you made love to two Filipino women. (Sniffs) And a man.
Quagmire: You mean three Filipino women. (Brian stares blankly) NOOOOO!
Joe: Hey, Quagmire! You wanna come camping with us?
Quagmire: Sorry, boys. The only tent I'm gonna be pitchin' this weekend is... well, you can see where I'm goin' with this. Oh
Quagmire: I'd do everything to you.
Lois: What?
Quagmire: I'd do anything for you
Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8:00 ... and home by 11:00, OH!
Thanks honey, say hi to your husband. [device on his belt beeps] Oh, I've got AIDS again, better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS. [takes pill] All gone!
Peter: I told Lois I wouldn't drink.
Quagmire: Don't feel so bad Peter.
Peter: Hey, I never thought of it that way
Voiceover on TV: The Statue Of Liberty was a gift from France...
Guy: The Statue Of Liberty!?
Peter: Oh my kid must of taped over this for history class. Boys, boys! We're going to drink till she's hot.
Quagmire: Hey, thats just crazy enough to work
Quagmire: Hey Peter, you want to play "drink the beer"?
Peter: Sure. (takes drink of beer)
Quagmire: You win!
Peter: What do I win?
Quagmire: Another beer!
Peter: Oh man, I'm going for the high score!
Quagmire: Actually, Charlie has the high score.
Charlie [peeing in grandfather clock]: Hey man, your clock won't flush
