Gloria (whispers): It's the curse.
Jay: Not that I ever want to discourage you from whispering, but that's not a thing.

He was up at 5 in the morning ironing, but he also does that when he's depressed so I don't know.

I know how it works. I rented the wrong movie once. Did you see Glenn Gary Glenn and Ross?

Oh so now it's snooping, wanting to know more about your family by looking through their personal things?

Gloria: He's a lying, scheming little sneak. That's my son.
Jay: Our son.

I can't lie to that face. It's a good thing we're not married.

Gloria: You had a 3 hour nap on Sunday.
Jay: I was tired.
Gloria: From what, your 2 hour nap on Saturday?

Jay: This behavior of yours is not gonna fly when you lose your looks.
Gloria: Awww, you'll be long gone by then.

Jay: You and Manny have the closest relationship I've ever seen. Hell he may never form a healthy attachment with another woman after you.
Gloria: You're just saying that.

If she learns how to froth his cappuccino I am history!

He says I make him nervous, that I care too much. That's why I not even allowed to bring him to his haircuts anymore.

This is not my first language. I don't understand English very goodly.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me