I don't like another woman in my house. I want to be the star.

I remember something nice you did. You bought me this dress yesterday when you were working.

Jay: I won't be able to hear her, she won't be able to see me.
Gloria: Well be together forever!

Gloria (whispers): It's the curse.
Jay: Not that I ever want to discourage you from whispering, but that's not a thing.

He was up at 5 in the morning ironing, but he also does that when he's depressed so I don't know.

I know how it works. I rented the wrong movie once. Did you see Glenn Gary Glenn and Ross?

Oh so now it's snooping, wanting to know more about your family by looking through their personal things?

Gloria: He's a lying, scheming little sneak. That's my son.
Jay: Our son.

I can't lie to that face. It's a good thing we're not married.

Gloria: You had a 3 hour nap on Sunday.
Jay: I was tired.
Gloria: From what, your 2 hour nap on Saturday?

Jay: This behavior of yours is not gonna fly when you lose your looks.
Gloria: Awww, you'll be long gone by then.

Jay: You and Manny have the closest relationship I've ever seen. Hell he may never form a healthy attachment with another woman after you.
Gloria: You're just saying that.