That's when you know your family loves you, when they feel free to scream at you.

Gloria: Luke!
Luke: At what?
Gloria: What do you mean at what? I said Luke.
Luke: I am looking!

Jay: If you told him the truth he'd thank you later.
Gloria: Like Claire and Mitch, did they thank you?
Jay: Not yet, but it's coming.

If you want him to stop lifting stuff, put it in grocery bags and put a football game on TV.

Gloria: I cannot believe he spent 50 dollars on this.
Jay: I know! He could've gotten a two-year subscription to Playboy for that.

What do you mean she blossomed? Like the puberty?

Manny, sometimes you can be a little old fashioned. Remember the first time you saw the kids with the backpacks with wheels and you thought they were a little flashy?

Manny: I wanna be home-schooled.
Gloria: Really Manny? You want me to learn you English?

Are you happy? You have reduced me to a person who eats a shoe.

Cam I don't have all day to describe my meals to you.

Claire: None of you believe me so I got proof. You should all be sucking it right now!
Gloria: Claire, please, enough with the sucking it! They're children!

Look I'm the horse whisperer but something is making this one skittish!

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said