Gloria Delgado-Pritchett Quotes
Jay: Sausage-of-the-month club really nailed it in May, but honey, no offense, they almost lost me last month with that chorizo.
Gloria: Why no offense? It's a sausage, it's not on our flag.
Gloria: He thought we were gonna use it all the time, but I keep hitting my boobs with my knees.
Jay: Champagne problems, right?
Jay: This is embarrassing...
Gloria: For the both of us.
Jay: I had botox.
Gloria: Like the ladies use for their wrinkles?
But I'm nice and I put on the sugar jacket!
I love Manny, but sometimes, I...be a boy. Go outside kick a ball and steal something.
Gloria: Lily! When something awful happens, you're going to be mine!
Mitchell: It really is an "if" situation...
Gloria: All mine!
Gloria: I said I was sorry! But I've had them since I was two. Huge ones!
Phil: What is she...?
Claire: Earrings, Phil. Earrings.
Cameron: You punctured our daughter!
Gloria: But did you see both sides? I didn't just do the gay ear, look!
Gloria: Where I come from, brothers respect each other.
Jay: That's why Colombia is such a peaceful country.
Gloria: Tell them we don't want our bodies inside these drawers where God cannot find us.
Jay: These aren't like our drawers at home. People can find stuff here.
Ta-da is for when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body.