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The-simpsons

Grampa: The television only has one channel.
Aide: That's a fish tank!
Grampa: You're a fish tank.
Aide: That was hurtful. I wish I was a fish tank, then I could filter out his nasty words.

Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.

Selma: Wanna split a basket of garlic bread?
Grampa: Slow down you hussie!

Selma: Now, we are on our honeymoon
Grampa: I thought we were at the circus, Lisa.
Selma: Whoa boy.

(To Selma in their honeymoon suite) Now to do something I've been looking forward to my whole wedding day. (Abe takes off his shoes.) Oh, I'm glad I waited.

In a world of thirty-one flavors, we're the cup of water they rinse the scoops in. Grampa out.

Homer: We left plenty of food so you won't starve!
Grampa: Thank you!
Homer: I was talking to the cat!

Grampa: I can finally win a gold medal. I came close at the 1936 Olympics. I threw a javelin that barely missed Hitler. But I did hit an assassin who was trying to kill Hitler.
Hitler (in 1936): What is this, Kill Hitler Day?
Grampa: The next time I saw Hitler, we had dinner and laughed about it.

Grampa: (With his gold medal.) I've never been happier!
("The Star-Spangled Banner" plays)
Grampa: Turn that hippie crap off!

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