Lisa: You can't keep Juliet and me apart! I'll... I'll disobey!
Marge: I'm Bart Simpson's mother, do you think you've got any tricks I haven't seen. ((Leaves the room)
((Lisa climbs out the window and slides down the tree only to land in a laundry basket being held by Marge)
Marge: Bart Simpson: Age 3. (Both go back inside)
(Bart comes out of a hidden door in the tree dressed in black)
Bart Simpson: Age 10. Mhwahahahaha!

Lisa: One night we spoke only in lines from famous poems.
Grampa: Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me.
Lisa: Emily Dickson!?
Grampa: No, I was just describing my day.

Groundskeeper Willy: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I'd have taken the orange eating class.
(cut to orange eating class)
Moleman: The eating of a good orange is a lot like a successful marriage.
Grampa: Just eat the damn orange!

I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!

I'm in love... no wait, it's a stroke.

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

La...tex...con...dome. Boy I'd like to live in one of those!

Grampa: Would it be all right with you if I just laid down in the street and died?
Lawyer: Yes, that would be acceptable.

Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky, they send you a prize.

Marge: I have a neat idea. Why don't you get my mother and we can go out to dinner?
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (gets an old lady in a wheelchair)
Marge: That's not my mother!
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy!
Old Lady: Can I come too?
(Homer rolls up his car window)
Old Lady: Oh.

Bart and Lisa: (Singing dull) Hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs.
Grampa: Sing it like you mean it!
(Grampa plays harmonica and the kids sing it with style.)
Bart and Lisa: What kind of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs?
Bart: Fat kids.
Lisa: Skinny kids.
Bart: Kids who climb on rocks.
Lisa: Tough kids.
Bart: Sissy kids.
Milhouse: (Sticks head from the window.) Even kids with chicken pox love--
Family: Hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs.
(Grampa stops playing harmonica.) The dogs kids love to bite!
Lisa: Doesn't this family know any songs that aren't commercials?
(Everyone except Lisa starts singing the "Chicken Tonight" jingle.)

Grampa: Hey, they're playing the elephant song.
Jasper: I love that. Reminds me of elephants.

The Simpsons Quotes

Lincoln, Lincoln. I've been thinkin'. What the hell have you've been drinkin'? Is it water? Is it wine? Oh, my gosh. It's turpentine!

Bart & Lisa

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "Evil."

Repairman