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The-simpsons

Homer: My mother's dead.
Grampa: I'm still with you, son.
Homer: Oh, it just gets worse and worse!

Homer: Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night?
Grampa: It's night?
Homer: That's it, pull over!

Homer: Dad, I can't remember what I did last night. Do have any idea?
Grampa: You come to me for help rememberin'? That's like asking your horse to do your taxes--Which I did in 1998. (Shows photo of horse using an adding machine.)

(Grampa suggests that Homer should go see Professor Frink to help him remember what happened the night before.)
Homer: Really? Oh, that's great, Dad. How can I ever repay you?
Grampa: Punch that orderly who takes sips out of my juice.
Homer: Done.
(Cut to Homer punching an orderly who is about to make a bed.)
Grampa: No, wait. That's the guy that saved my life.

(After Homer opens a shipping crate)
Grampa: Moe?! You shipped yourself here?
Moe: No, it's how you fly coach on Delta now.

Lisa: You can't keep Juliet and me apart! I'll... I'll disobey!
Marge: I'm Bart Simpson's mother, do you think you've got any tricks I haven't seen. ((Leaves the room)
((Lisa climbs out the window and slides down the tree only to land in a laundry basket being held by Marge)
Marge: Bart Simpson: Age 3. (Both go back inside)
(Bart comes out of a hidden door in the tree dressed in black)
Bart Simpson: Age 10. Mhwahahahaha!

Lisa: One night we spoke only in lines from famous poems.
Grampa: Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me.
Lisa: Emily Dickson!?
Grampa: No, I was just describing my day.

Groundskeeper Willy: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I'd have taken the orange eating class.
(cut to orange eating class)
Moleman: The eating of a good orange is a lot like a successful marriage.
Grampa: Just eat the damn orange!

I'm in love... no wait, it's a stroke.

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