Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication

You are going to enchant an entire generation of teenage boys with those pound puppies.

Oh I'm sorry. Turns out I'm quite the Fruit Ninja.

That's what happens in a relationship, you stop caring. The next thing you know the sex is sporadic, the blow job's bi-annual and ass play is out of the question.

Page one, why the fuck are you fading in?

Becca: Sometimes I think you wish I stayed some asexual little goth muppet creature forever.
Hank: You say that like it's a bad thing.

You know what they say? Whatever doesn't kill us makes us even more annoying.

Hank: That's it? You're just gonna stand by your man?
Karen: That's what I do.

Richard: I gotta come clean Hank, she's been through too much. No offense.
Hank: Some taken.

Holly: I shook my money maker to an entire album form him, Guns N' Roses, "Appetite".
Hank: Great album.
Holly: The best! I lost my cherry to it, front and back.

Come on back to bed. Let's californicate.

Hank: I love L.A. I love it! I said it, I meant it, I'm here to represent it.
Karen: Who are you right now?
Hank: I don't know.

Hank: You wanna come down and put some clothes on before the law gets here?
Bates: No, nah, nonsense , I'm tucked. You know I was just telling Karen I used to fuck guys like Tyler back in prison. Did I ever tell you about the year I spent behind bars?

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 141 in total

Californication Quotes

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

Tyler
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