The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Homer Simpson Quotes
When you married a man who would years later, without warning, become a tow-truck driver, you knew what the deal would eventually be.
(Louie explains the perks of being a tow truck driver to Homer.)
Homer: When you call in sick, who do you call?
Louie: I don't call in sick, I work when I want to.
Homer: Sometimes you want to work?
Louie: Hey, I get to drive around, eat when I want to, eyeball the highway honeys--(Honks his horn at a woman on the street.)
Woman: I'm your aunt, stupid!
Louie: and lasso the street cattle.
Homer: Street cattle?
Louie: The cars I tow, I got all kinds of names for them: She-atas, Hebrew canoes, spam cans, Swedish speedballs, and of course, stretch lame-os.
Homer: Some of those were pretty funny.
(Homer decides to become a tow truck driver.)
Louie: Now just remember two rules. One, stick to Springfield. If I catch you on my turf, I'll rip off your head, vomit down your neck, pull out your heart, show it to your head, then shove 'em both down your neck hole, to which I previously alluded.
(Homer tries to jot everything down.)
Homer: (Mumbling) " which I previously alluded" Are there two "L's" in "alluded"?
(Homer celebrates his new job, while at Moe's.)
Homer: I've got tow dough I'm lookin' to blow, Moe.
(Homer spreads some money on the bar.)
Moe: Huh?
Homer: I'm buying a round of the fanciest drink you got.
Moe: Four "Lobster-politans" comin' up.
Ned Flanders: Top of the mornin', Tow-mer.
Homer: It's Homer, idiot.
Ned Flanders: (Chuckles) So it is. I'm just here to pay the fine for the Sunday School bus. You towed it with the kids still in it.
Homer: (Chuckles) I guess I'm more powerful than God now.
Ned Flanders: You know what they say: "With great power comes great responsibility."
Homer: Who said that?! I'll kill them with my power!
Marge: You have to be there! You missed way too many precious moments in the childrens' lives.
Homer: What?! Name twelve!
