The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Homer Simpson Quotes
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
to the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more.
(After a dying Sideshow Mel praises William Shakespeare.) Well, if you see him in Heaven... tell him he sucks!
Poor Tony. He didn't deserve this. He was just a solider in a war he started.
Wow I've never seen a mobster use a track suit for exercising.
FBI Agent: You will be known as Nicky "Bluepants" Altosaxophoni.
Homer: Can I keep the name after I'm done?
Agent: No. It belongs to the government.
I hope Heaven's outer room is painted that eggshell blue you could never achieve on Earth.
And the only one who ever shot anyone is the baby.
Homer: One small coffee, please. And a bunch of those placemats with the mazes on them.
Pimple-Faced Kid: They're all the same maze.
Homer: Somebody's gotta do 'em.
Oh, what's the point of putting my socks on? I'd just have to take them off again a week later.
(Homer calls Colby Krause to help coach him through a situation.)
Colby Krause: All right Homer what is it you're attempting to do? Win over a difficult client?
Homer: I'm trying to land a plane with no experience!
Colby Krause: Homer, I gotta tell you I'm not very good. I went to the Harvard of the South.
Homer: Duke? That's good!
Colby Krause: Not Duke.
Homer: Vanderbilt?
Colby Krause: A little further south. Don't make me say it.
(Bart catches Homer at Krusty Burger instead of his "new" job.)
Homer: I couldn't bear to tell your mother, so I hang out here all day.
Bart: But, Dad, you gotta tell her. She's been buying brand-name groceries.
Homer: Brands like "Miser's Choice" and "Day-Old Delights"?
Bart: No, things rich people buy, like Campbell's soup and Pepsodent.
Marge: Homer, you smell like Chicago. Did you fly there in a commercial airline?
Homer: No way. Commercial is for losers and terrorists. I flew in a private plane.
Marge: Wow, is it much different from normal plane?
Homer: Please, tell me you're joking. It's the difference between champagne and carbonated pee.
