The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXHomer Simpson Quotes
(In a parent teacher conference, school psychiatrist suggests that Bart be held back in the 4th grade.)
Bart: (Panicked) You can't hold me back. I swear I'm gonna do better. Look at my eyes. See the sincerity? See the conviction? See the fear? As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!
Homer: And if you don't, at least you'll be bigger than the other kids.
(Homer listens to school psychiatrist, Dr. Pryor's, opinions about Bart's struggles in school.)
Dr. Pryor: One of his problems may be his short attention span which can lead to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Dr Pryor: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Homer: Mmm.
(The Simpson family gathers around, as Homer places Bart's passed test on the fridge.)
Homer: We're proud of you, boy.
Bart: Thanks, Dad. But part of this D-minus belongs to God.
Marge: Homer! We're going to Vancouver!
Homer: Pack your winter coat, we're going to Canada's warmest city.
Marge, this is perfect for both of us! It's got bowling for me and sweeping for you.
Marge: Ice skating, a sport that encourages hand holding.
Homer: Would you like to wear mittens or go commando?
Homer: My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig.
Moe: Homer.
Homer: What?
Moe: Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar!
Homer: (Shocked) What? Hey, Barney, am I a pig?
Barney: You're even more of a pig than I am. (Belches)
Homer: Oh, no!
Moe: See? You're a pig. Barney's a pig, Larry's a pig. We're all pigs!
Homer: They all look so tasty, but I think I'll eat this one right there!
(Homer points at a lobster.)
Waiter: Why don't you pick one that's a little more frisky, sir.
Homer: Why?
Waiter: Well, when you choose one that's floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster.
Dr. Monroe: Okay, let's see. Next we have Marge. She's 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of a marriage.
Homer: Hey, turn it up! I love hearing those wackos.
Homer: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.
Bart: But, dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.
Homer: No, I'm not! I'm hopping on the bandwagon. Now, come on, son. Get with the winning team.
Scott Christian: Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart. The news story behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.
Homer: Wait a minute. Bart, you know that guy on your lunchbox?
Bart: Oh, you mean, Krusty the Clown?
Homer: He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
Bart: Are you kidding? He's my idol! I've based my life on Krusty's teachings.
