The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXHomer Simpson Quotes
Patty: Hello, Homer.
Homer: (screams) Selma!
(Patty takes pin out of hair)
Patty: It's me, Patty.
Homer: (screams) Patty!
Homer: Okay everyone ahead is my big surprise!
(Bart, Lisa, and Marge fall down the stairs.)
Homer: Watch out for the stairs.
(Homer and Marge catch Selma kissing Grampa)
Homer: (screams) A bear is eating my father!
Selma: I'm Selma!
Homer: (screams) A talking bear is eating my father!
Marge: Grampa's driving me crazy!
Homer: Why are you telling me? He's YOUR father-in-law.
I thought bankruptcy was the cool law. The one that says, "Dude, don't worry about it, I got this."
Homer: Permission to moan?
Judge Harm: I'll allow it.
(Homer makes a loud and long moan.)
Homer: (as Esteban) So, how long is senor Homer out of town for?
Marge: Ooh, I don't know, he might come home any minute
Homer: Then I must flee! (jumps out the window and re-enters the room as himself) Where is he? Where is he? I smell his aftershave!
Marge: I don't think we're doing this right.
Dad, do you know what you were kissing? Do you? Do you?
Selma: For some reason she doesn't trust him, maybe it's the bang up job he did raising you.
Homer: He was a great Dad! Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents!
Accountant: Three subscriptions to Vanity Fair?
Homer: I've got three bathrooms, don't I?
(about nursing home) This place is way too expensive. I saw you doing a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle!
Accountant: You throw over one thousand dollars a month into local wishing wells.
Homer: Yeah, you idiot, 'cause I'm wishing for more money!
