The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXHomer Simpson Quotes
I thought bankruptcy was the cool law. The one that says, "Dude, don't worry about it, I got this."
Patty: Hello, Homer.
Homer: (screams) Selma!
(Patty takes pin out of hair)
Patty: It's me, Patty.
Homer: (screams) Patty!
Marge: Homie, you woke up early?
Homer: Stumbled home at dawn, same diff.
Look at those morons! They sing because they're stupid.
Marge: The biggest change for me over the last 8 years that's gotta be Homer.
Homer: Marge, baby, I got a picture of you tattooed on my chest!
(he opens his shirt to reveal a skull with Marge's hairdo)
Homer: They had a sale on skulls.
Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)
Homer: I do open-casket caricatures. (looking at a man in a casket) Did he have any hobbies?
Widow: Get out of here!
I will be rich. I'll own a football team and a basketball team and I'll make them play baseball.
Manure for sale!
It's been another 8 years, and what do I have? Same job, same house, same dirty joke book (He reads) Ha ha ha, I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie, but all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good.
Homer: Oh! This is Eduardo. He's the pool boy. He thinks he's an angry old rich man.
Mr. Burns: I am an angry old rich man!
Homer: (whispers) That's the pool chemicals talking.
Homer: (to Marge) All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted: hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.
