Jonathan I have asked you not to call me at home after 11...or before.

Jack: You have all the makings of a reality superstar; hair, bully-ness, delusions of grandeur, an extremely short fuse, catch phrases...
Angie: It's my way 'til pay day.

Milton: Listen to me damn it, I'm a doctor.
Jack: Of history. In what emergency would you be necessary? If someone wanted to know whether the 60s were awesome or not?
Milton: They were!

Milton: Think of what I've lost...going on father and son habitat for humanity builds, and road trips in my VW van.
Jack: Yeah, or other things.

Jack: I know some things you've done that you would not want me to bring up right now.
Colleen: Most people thought I was a hero for killing Lydia's parrot.

Jack: I knew you would do this...take a happy moment and ruin it, just like you did when I won that scholarship at my high school graduation.
Colleen: It should've gone to the other boy!

We Donaghys believe that when there is something at all delicate to talk about it is best to suppress it...until it erupts into a fist fight at a church barbecue.

Jack: You're the only one bank rolling this? What about Brown and Folderson?
Tracy: That's what I call my wallet.

I'm tired of talking this much to a woman I'm not having sex with.

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