Jack: You're someone with a lot of problems, who needs constant guidance.
Tracy: Don't forget, I never listen.

Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?

I'm looking for D.I.H.C Avery, and I'm going to take it wherever I can find it.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: Uhh that word bums me out unless it's between the words meat and pizza.

Jack: Why are you better looking in your memory?
Liz: My memory had Seinfeld money.

Does it seem weird in here to you? Everything looks like a Mexican soap opera.

Liz: I don't know if he's mentioned this to you a hundred times, but he went to Harvard.
Jack: So we know he's smart and superb at masturbation.

I would point to Sunday Night Football which features many black players and coaches.

After I'm gone, your mother might meet someone else. I want her to be happy so his death must appear to be accidental.

Displaying quotes 118 - 126 of 384 in total