Liz: It's like on TV. It used to be you couldn't say crap, then they let that slide and now we can say whatever we want. Douchebag. Asswipe.
Jack: Anal rot.
Liz: Exactly.

We brought good things to life. And bad things to Chinese rivers.

Boston is the greatest city in the world. Boston Tea Party, Boston Cream Pie, Boston Rob Mariano.

I don't know why you're wearing girls' pajamas, but I'm sure it's cultural.

What if women had a pay-per-view channel featuring handsome men patiently listening to them? What if they had porn for women?

verybody settles. At one point my obituary was going to read "CEO Of GE Dies Violently In Casino Orgy." Now what's it going to say, "Middle Manager Of A Philadelphia Porn Distributor Never Wakes Up?"

Jack [reading Kabletown]: Assatar? The Lovely Boners? The Hind Side? Fresh-Ass: Based on the Novel "Tush" by Assfire?

He built GE into the greatest company on Earth, and the Earth into one of the top three planets in the universe!

Not Seinfeld, Friends, ER exciting, more like 3-D episodes of Merlin exciting...

How could a company from Philly buy a company from New York? That would be like Vietnam defeating the United States in a ground war.

Is it Senior Executive Skip Day? Because that's usually in the spring so we can go to an amusement park.

It means the book is full of cubes of knowledge. It's a good title.

Jack, on Don Geiss' book Geiss Cubes

30 Rock Quotes

Fine, I will try the other location. But frankly, LaDonica, you have not been real helpful.


I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.