With no TGS I see you... self-publishing your novel and moving back in with your parents.

Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's Day. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Jack: I guess we both lost children today.
Liz: Yeah, but mine was real. Yours was ... Frank.

Frank: In Sicilian, [Rossitano] means 'well poisoner.'
Jack: In Gaelic, Donaghy means 'dung basket.'

[on his dad] He'd show up every now and then to impregnate my mother and punch out the umpires in Little League.

What about his manstress?

I watched an American Masters last night about Baryshnikov ... I picked up a few things.

We're Jack and Elisa ... Jalisa!

She keeps confusing me with this ridiculous notion that sex and love are somehow connected.

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