For the first time in six months we beat all the Music Choice channels except of course, Latin Beats.

Who thinks that gesturing with one's thumbs is for poor people, and is going to be the next CEO of Kabletown? This guy!

I can see someone got to first base, which is what I consider sex with a stranger.

Lemon you just had a structural, analytic insight. Professor Widmer would've given you a good job spanking.

Yes my daughter is Canadien-American, but I'm going to treat her just like a human baby.

Bellboy: What is so bad about being Canadian?
Jack: Your milk comes in bags...bags.
Avery: Your pavilion at Epcot doesn't have a ride!

Not only is your fly open, there's a pencil sticking out of it.

I never sleep on planes. I don't wanna get "incepted."

Jack: Avery and I want the baby's middle name to be Elizabeth, after you.
Liz: Oh Jack, that's so gay balls.

Jack: I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny, and then you eat the bunny.
Kenneth: Isn't that just Easter?

Jack: You have me over a barrel. What are you going to do?
Kenneth: Not what my uncle does when he gets a hitch-hiker over a barrel, I'll tell you that.

It was reality TV. It can be good. It can be terrible. It just can't be anything in between.

30 Rock Quotes

Jack: Never go with a hippie to a second location.
Liz: I need to do that thing that rich people do where they turn money into more money. Can you teach me how to do that?
Jack: With my eyes closed.

Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? [pointing thumbs at self] This moi.

Liz