Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCFavorite Jay Pritchett Quotes
He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.
Haley: This is kind of an important party.
Jay: The last thing you to do is insult someone when they invite you.
Haley: Exactly.
[Jay walks out]
Haley: OMG. That was so easy.
Alex: You really don't understand what just happened, do you?
You'd think growing up in a place full of death squads and drunken uncles, she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.
Gloria [about Haley]: When I was her age I loved my grandfather, but I still wanted to be with boys.
Jay: I know, so did Claire.. and Mitchell.
The only way his dad is like superman is that he landed in this country illegally
I'm lucky only one guy turned around.
I don't get how one dog keeps you awake when you grew up sleeping through cockfights and revolutions.
Jay: Flag on the play.
Manny: What does that mean?!?
Manny: How's my hair?
Jay: Hold on, what are you wearing there? That looks like an old Christmas tree skirt
Manny: It's a traditional Colombian pioncho, I want my new classmates to know I'm proud of my heritage
Gloria: I think you look very handsome, lindo!
Jay: Oh really? Am I driving him to school or is he gonna ride his burro?
Cameron [in a high-pitched voice]: I swear to God Im gonna break it!
Jay: Do not break the window, you're gonna get glass on her
Woman [on the phone]: Sir, please tell your wife to calm down, everything's gonna be okay.
Jay: That's a man
Woman: Really?
I'm going to teach him the real version, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of the country.
Gloria: What about the pigeons?
Jay: I don't like them. They're shifty.
