Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCFavorite Jay Pritchett Quotes
Jay: I had botox.
Gloria: Like the ladies use for their wrinkles?
I'm going to teach him the real version, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of the country.
Manny: How's my hair?
Jay: Hold on, what are you wearing there? That looks like an old Christmas tree skirt
Manny: It's a traditional Colombian pioncho, I want my new classmates to know I'm proud of my heritage
Gloria: I think you look very handsome, lindo!
Jay: Oh really? Am I driving him to school or is he gonna ride his burro?
Cameron [in a high-pitched voice]: I swear to God Im gonna break it!
Jay: Do not break the window, you're gonna get glass on her
Woman [on the phone]: Sir, please tell your wife to calm down, everything's gonna be okay.
Jay: That's a man
Woman: Really?
Gloria: What about the pigeons?
Jay: I don't like them. They're shifty.
I only understand about 20% of what goes on around here.
I mean, for me it's a locker room. For him, it's a showroom.
Haley: This is kind of an important party.
Jay: The last thing you to do is insult someone when they invite you.
Haley: Exactly.
[Jay walks out]
Haley: OMG. That was so easy.
Alex: You really don't understand what just happened, do you?
Gloria: Hay is very spontaneous. He's always surprising me with little presents, fun getaways
Jay: I wasn't the greatest husband the first time around. I'm trying to do better this time around. And maybe by my third marriage I'll have it down pat. Yeah, that one's gonna cost me
Mitchell: This morning, Cam, fully dressed....
Jay: Thank god it's one of those stories.
We're guys, we don't open up. We talk about sports and cars and getting up in the middle of the night to pee.
Gloria: Who's side are you on?
Jay: She's my daughter, you're my wife. Let's remember what's important, there's a football game on today
